a transitional mood

I've been in a surprisingly weird mood for the past few weeks, uncertain of what to do next...definitely not a feeling I saw coming homeless and jobless in Chile a few months ago!  I thought that an address and a coffee pot were all the answers needed to our problems and once we had a place to call home, we would find some perfect zen like tranquil state, find our inner harmonious callings and you know....be happy!  As the dust starts to settle from our wanderings, we are both becoming a little bit anxious, a little bit worried and concerned, about...well....we aren't quite sure yet!

After all this time away, what is the next step?

Are we doing the right things?  Making the right choices?

This next decision we make could decide the rest of our lives!   A baby, house, car, job, picket fence and retirement plan.  But, hey, no pressure!  If we could figure out what this great big thing is that we are apparently deciding though, that would be a great start!

Living out of hotels, tents and other gracious people's homes had its fair share of stresses, but now that we finally have access to all the cherished and beloved prized kitchen gadget, book and bike possessions we missed for so long, both R man and I find ourselves with our head in the clouds with dreams of travel and far off places and a heavy feeling beginning to numb our toes and steadily grow up our legs, digging down roots fastening us into stability and structure, hard. cold, deep, back into the ground....forever!  Dun dun duuuuuuuun......all that time weightlessly fluttering around wherever we felt like at a moments notice, I feel nervous and apprehensive that it's not the right time yet to hunker down back into the natural routines and patterns that I've missed so much.

One of my old friends and coworkers from Madison asked me last week, 'is it weird to be back where nothing has changed, but you are now so different?'  a thought I hadn't even considered to be a problem until she asked because I hadn't thought I was all that different...and now, I don't know!

Are we ruined for normal day to day life?  Are we ready to commit to a non-transitional life?
(hmmm....it's like we are preparing to marry...life?)

Granted, we are yet still in a time of transition after many, many other types of transitions....letting go of jobs, furniture, double ply toilet paper, the English/Spanish languages...it's become a way of life, uncertain of what's coming next and hoping for the best.  The idea of living without that extreme variability, the choice to leave whenever we feel like, to sleep and eat wherever we'd like, it's sort of terrifying in a way I never would have anticipated!  Is this why some people prefer to be homeless?  At the same time, isn't this what life is all about!?!  Jumping in with both feet, going with the flow and seeing where life takes us next!  Sometimes it's a little mysterious and questionable, but that's just part of the fun.  I mean, heck, I bet that's the way a lot of kids are brought into the world!

At this time, we have no real plan for our future's, no year long lease or job plans signed, only a few hopes and dreams for either a life at root or a life at flight.  Almost hopeful that things won't pan out so we can happen to fly off for a few more extra months in S.E Asia or some other far off land with a warm climate and spicy food...you know....perhaps China, Vietnam, Cambodia and Borneo, a nice 3 month 'transitional' trip....not like we've talked about it or anything ;)

Well, what comes will come and then we'll know I guess!  Stay tuned these next few months for the exciting choices to come.  I will be just as surprised as you with what happens next!