Do you hear what I hear

This American Life just had an episode called "Living Without" and the first act is called  "do you hear what I hear, by Nubar Alexanian, talking about his life dealing with his Tinitis (a permanent ringing in the ears) and this story is really beautifully done...he did an incredible job explaining what it's like to have Tinitis.

For those of you who may or may not know about Tinitis, this gives a lot of detail about what it sounds like to deal with as well as what it's like to have emotionally.

I also have Tinitis and this has definitely made an effect on my life similar to what this man has gone thru.  I too went to doctors and looked into other forms of natural healing.  It's part of why I itched to travel and get away from my life for a while and for better or worse, it's sent my world into a new direction from what it was and life will never be the same again.

I can't go into loud restaurants or bars, because it makes my ring louder..I have special ear plugs, but I hate explaining what they're for.  I can't be in quiet places, because I begin to get annoyed with my ring, and if I'm slightly dehydrated, the ring also gets louder.

When I first got Tinitis, I thought my life was over.  I couldn't imagine dealing with it for the rest of my life, but yet here I am, living!  Of course there are good days and bad days (good days where I don't even think about it, bad days where I lay in bed thinking about the tone and how much I hate it.

He has this talk with his daughter...
Daughter:  You're trapped inside your own head....I would follow Van Gogh and cut my ears off"
Father:  "I'm somewhat grateful for the tone....on good days when I think about it, the tone was a warning that I needed to slow down....on bad days I think, I've learned this lesson... ok, I've slowed down, the tone can go away, but it doesn't go away."

Everyone at some point has a problem or an ailment which occurs that reminds us that we are human, that we are not permanent and we are delicate....the day something in us physically doesn't work anymore and we realized it's not going to come back again.  Perhaps, because we've used it too much, perhaps too little, perhaps just bad luck.  For me, this was my hearing.  I had/have to accept the fact that I will never be a professional musician....something I don't like to talk about after 20 years practicing percussion and marimba, but I'm at a place where I believe this was my bodies way of saying, it's ok Sarah, it's time to slow down, time to move on and do other things you want to do...life goes on!  So that's what I'm doing!  Sometimes, having something go wrong is a wake up call to live!