theories so far....

So...
from the depths of insanity/dilusions of depression/realizations of boredom and weirdness come ....

well...

perhaps more of the same.
perhaps intrigue and insight.
perhaps really odd/interesting discussions with coworkers, which lead to odd and interesting voice mails to other coworkers and yet more odd and interesting discussions with friends and husbands and family members etc..

I have "the power of now" on order at the library, so I WILL be reading it soon!
But until then, doors to unexpected conclusions and thoughts are beginning to open about my dilenma.....non dilemna...funk....whatever this is!

 - perhaps life is actually just so easy and simple and good that that in itself is making me feel weird and unchallenged in life, like I should be improving and growing, but it's hard to grow when things are just plain great.
 - perhaps in things being so good, I feel unexpectedly unchallenged in my very long term goals in comparison to the excitement/rush/high I used to feel from planning life a day at a time and being settled feels like a bit of a rut once in a while.
 - perhaps I'm letting the weight of the world get me down...."2012", pollution, the environment, gasoline, cars, Africa, AIDs, poverty, corruption, politics, religion, hypocrisy, blah blah blah
 - perhaps I miss my friends and family, and I'm never quite ready to say goodbye to old friends and say hello to new
 - perhaps as my wise and profound coworkers are always pointing out things to me, none of this even matters, because life is going to go on no matter what I do or say or think, days will pass on, people will continue doing what they are doing, whether it's right or wrong, and that's how life is supposed to be, because that is how it is....buying furniture, worrying about trends, staying up to date on films and books and things and foods.....it's all very much"cute and horrifying" all at the same time and we can either enjoy the ride and world we live in or worry about it passing us by day by day...that's our choice....


So.  that's where I'm at today in my quest for change...acceptance that things are weird, that I'm confused, that the world is a big crazy place and I'm attempting to figure/not figure out my part in all of....as are we all....since we won't know til it's all over, and then....it's over and we still won't know!

So there you go!  I have no idea!  and today, that feels pretty god!  Just going with the flow....I'll keep you posted where this heads next!