I'd like to believe that this is one of those big moments in life where everything is about to change forever...and it is one of those moments...but so is every other moment I've lived so far!
I keep having these big dreamy emotional thoughts about my life and life in general...shoulds and shouldn'ts, what I'm supposed to be doing, what I should be doing better, what I do, own, think, watch....
I attribute all of this bullshit and unnecessary self analysis to turning 30!
It's crap. Total crappers. Or am I just pissed because I'm finally there and there's no going back.
Like this list of 30 for turning 30..half of me is totally marking off every detail and considering to purchase a new sofa, umbrella and bra....the other half is going..."Seriously? Really? I don't have time for this."
Shoulds. Woulds. Coulds.
A baby.
A house.
A job.
A relationship.
A workout routine.
A balanced diet.
A sleep pattern.
Like it's a race to check it all off and get it down before time runs out....my body clock is ticking loud enough as it is without adding more pressure and requirements to who I am.
The one thing I dearly miss from traveling....that feeling that life was not in my own hands....that I simply was, and amidst it all, I was a little spec, this little creature running around like everybody else and all the daily details of woulds and coulds and shoulds....totally out of my control to do anything about.
What was simply was and that was that.
I miss that feeling...so so much.
That being said, I'm a total control freak, and it literally takes putting me in the middle of nowhere to get that feeling....I don't think I'm meant to roam the desert the rest of my life, just so I stop worrying about expectations.
Oh 30. You're a piece work...yes you are!
4.25.2012
4.20.2012
a duck and a parrot fall in love
The subject of R man and I being of different cultural backgrounds comes up in phases....meaning, for some reason, it gets brought up in conversation more often, or I start to think about our future, or a weird word comes up...who knows! But, one week every couple of months, I find it in the air all the time. We look different...we have different sounding names....different accents, we're from different countries....oh...yeah...right...got it...we're different.
Most of the time, it's really just... Me. R man. Us. Living. Boring....not that we're boring, but we're just two normal peeps kickin' it in Mad town drinking our coffees and doing our laundry...some days he's more gringo than I am wearing flannel and complaining about the weather (very Minnesotan), sometimes, I'm the one dancing around to Shakira and begging to eat beans and rice...again! (for the record, two very non Chilean things to do which I absolutely love...think more Central America)
Right now it's a bakery joke to call Rodolfo ...Alfredo, Ronaldo, Antonio....which I find quasi funny because a 90% Italian is cracking the jokes...plus, Rodolfo IS a funny odd sounding name to say. Once you get used to it, it rolls off th tongue though like poetry, even if you can't roll your R's (like me.)
For some reason, the first question people are really curious about when they hear of us being together is, "how did you meet?" This really does make sense! It's weird!
At a recent party, I made the odd first time statement of, "oh, you better believe I made him come up here to get me!" which I felt really weird about after....what the hell did that mean? But it made the person feel better, we laughed and the topic of the party changed. But I feel a bit on the offensive sometimes talking about it and I'm not sure why....it's not like it's the 60's where one of us could get beaten or killed....our skin tones aren't even that different. There really is no biggy. Whatever people are thinking, it's more on the lines of "damn, he's good lookin! Where did you find that hunk o love? I want me some of that!" then....you know...something mean....I think!
It wasn't our differences but our similarities that brought us together. We started having dinners with mutual friends, going on bike rides, arguing about how to chop an onion...neither of us really put much emphasis on our backgrounds....that's just how it was.
There's a lot of judgments and thoughts by not only us but our families and friends as well on where our future permanent home belongs....we are 100% committed to each other and to raising a family together...just where that should/could be is totally unknown. We watch what our friends of mixed backgrounds do, we talk and day dream about the different options and aspects, we talk about school districts and a future college educations, what's best for us, for them...blah blah blah.
What's different for many mixed couples in comparison to peeps from more similar areas is not only the cultural differences, but the fact that we have to fight a bit to be and stay together....like marriage, it's not just a quick trip down to the city hall, we had to document everything we did for years, paper work, photos, bank statements, electric statements, magazine subscriptions, lawyer fees, immigration fees, medical background checks...and even after 8 years together, it will never be over. My paper work for Chilean residency is still in process...there's always small reminders from the world that we aren't exactly normal...but who is?
So...I have no conclusion....I have no issue either...it's a funny thing this love. I think everyone no matter their background, culture, race, political or religious affiliations finds differences and similarities with their life partner...all of those little bits and pieces add to the fun and excitement of living. No one else will ever know what that life is like but us...and we continually create and reinvent what that relationship and experience is every morning we wake up. How cool is that!?!
Most of the time, it's really just... Me. R man. Us. Living. Boring....not that we're boring, but we're just two normal peeps kickin' it in Mad town drinking our coffees and doing our laundry...some days he's more gringo than I am wearing flannel and complaining about the weather (very Minnesotan), sometimes, I'm the one dancing around to Shakira and begging to eat beans and rice...again! (for the record, two very non Chilean things to do which I absolutely love...think more Central America)
Right now it's a bakery joke to call Rodolfo ...Alfredo, Ronaldo, Antonio....which I find quasi funny because a 90% Italian is cracking the jokes...plus, Rodolfo IS a funny odd sounding name to say. Once you get used to it, it rolls off th tongue though like poetry, even if you can't roll your R's (like me.)
For some reason, the first question people are really curious about when they hear of us being together is, "how did you meet?" This really does make sense! It's weird!
At a recent party, I made the odd first time statement of, "oh, you better believe I made him come up here to get me!" which I felt really weird about after....what the hell did that mean? But it made the person feel better, we laughed and the topic of the party changed. But I feel a bit on the offensive sometimes talking about it and I'm not sure why....it's not like it's the 60's where one of us could get beaten or killed....our skin tones aren't even that different. There really is no biggy. Whatever people are thinking, it's more on the lines of "damn, he's good lookin! Where did you find that hunk o love? I want me some of that!" then....you know...something mean....I think!
It wasn't our differences but our similarities that brought us together. We started having dinners with mutual friends, going on bike rides, arguing about how to chop an onion...neither of us really put much emphasis on our backgrounds....that's just how it was.
There's a lot of judgments and thoughts by not only us but our families and friends as well on where our future permanent home belongs....we are 100% committed to each other and to raising a family together...just where that should/could be is totally unknown. We watch what our friends of mixed backgrounds do, we talk and day dream about the different options and aspects, we talk about school districts and a future college educations, what's best for us, for them...blah blah blah.
What's different for many mixed couples in comparison to peeps from more similar areas is not only the cultural differences, but the fact that we have to fight a bit to be and stay together....like marriage, it's not just a quick trip down to the city hall, we had to document everything we did for years, paper work, photos, bank statements, electric statements, magazine subscriptions, lawyer fees, immigration fees, medical background checks...and even after 8 years together, it will never be over. My paper work for Chilean residency is still in process...there's always small reminders from the world that we aren't exactly normal...but who is?
So...I have no conclusion....I have no issue either...it's a funny thing this love. I think everyone no matter their background, culture, race, political or religious affiliations finds differences and similarities with their life partner...all of those little bits and pieces add to the fun and excitement of living. No one else will ever know what that life is like but us...and we continually create and reinvent what that relationship and experience is every morning we wake up. How cool is that!?!
4.18.2012
Stability
We've decided to stay in Madison for a few years!
(A few, meaning 2, 2 years, 2 full years of knowing where and when we'll be!)
Due to this realization, we are starting to nest. Getting finnicky with furnishings and decorations and attempting to give our little home a bit of a much needed makeover.
We are also investing in a low quality, high maintenance vehicle. A death trap. A money pit. A bright white 1999 Oldsmobile to be exact, to be picked up from our car mechanic friend later this morning!
My little veggie seedlings are beginnning to sprout (especially after I picked up a spray bottle to water them with a light mist, instead of the giant deluge that was flooding them!) and there's a nice little spot along our back fence where R man has cleared out and envisioned a little garden. We even bought a garden rake people...full sized....I know!
We are in the market for a kitchen table, curtains, rugs, picture frames and a general sense of belonging....all purchases and things we'd been avoiding so that we'd feel comfortable leaving at any moment with no regrets....now, knowing our circumstances have changed, that's not such an issue...for a few years anyway.
Due to a continuous slight nudge/shove/push by the R man, I'm also in the market for a social hobby, where in I meet other people my age and hopefully make some friends....like some crazy form of awkward dating, but instead of bringing home a nice man to introduce to mom, I'm looking for a group of chicks to bitch to and drink with....if you ask me, this is heading the wrong direction, but whatever!
Stable. Organized. Set. Comfortable. Content.
All the things Farmer John or Auntie May take for granted....we want a piece of it...at least to try on and see how it feels, to know the option and enjoy it while we can.
(A few, meaning 2, 2 years, 2 full years of knowing where and when we'll be!)
Due to this realization, we are starting to nest. Getting finnicky with furnishings and decorations and attempting to give our little home a bit of a much needed makeover.
We are also investing in a low quality, high maintenance vehicle. A death trap. A money pit. A bright white 1999 Oldsmobile to be exact, to be picked up from our car mechanic friend later this morning!
My little veggie seedlings are beginnning to sprout (especially after I picked up a spray bottle to water them with a light mist, instead of the giant deluge that was flooding them!) and there's a nice little spot along our back fence where R man has cleared out and envisioned a little garden. We even bought a garden rake people...full sized....I know!
We are in the market for a kitchen table, curtains, rugs, picture frames and a general sense of belonging....all purchases and things we'd been avoiding so that we'd feel comfortable leaving at any moment with no regrets....now, knowing our circumstances have changed, that's not such an issue...for a few years anyway.
Due to a continuous slight nudge/shove/push by the R man, I'm also in the market for a social hobby, where in I meet other people my age and hopefully make some friends....like some crazy form of awkward dating, but instead of bringing home a nice man to introduce to mom, I'm looking for a group of chicks to bitch to and drink with....if you ask me, this is heading the wrong direction, but whatever!
Stable. Organized. Set. Comfortable. Content.
All the things Farmer John or Auntie May take for granted....we want a piece of it...at least to try on and see how it feels, to know the option and enjoy it while we can.
4.12.2012
34 flavors and then some!
The trouble with having a job is that it's difficult to pay tribute to those you love and adore in an appropriate and timely fashion....yes, I got to sing the birthday song in a whisper at 5am to a half conscious R man on my way out the door, but that's just not the same as getting to sing it at the top of my lungs with little fires and drama and the smell of cake and frosting amongst friends and family...working on birthday days sucks.
Rodolfo's birthday was yesterday...he's now a great big whopping 34! YAY!
Since work day birthdays aren't half as awesome as weekend birthdays as we all know, this creates the ritual of a week long birthday event! Usually ending in a great big party come Friday/Saturday with all of the required junk foods, lighting of the waxy things on fire, yelling hoopla and general merriment.
Which means, this tribute to my partner in crime is not belated, merely a part of the week long celebration! Wahoo!
So, without further ado,
34 R man attributes I adore!
R man:
Happy Birthday Hun Bun!
Rodolfo's birthday was yesterday...he's now a great big whopping 34! YAY!
Since work day birthdays aren't half as awesome as weekend birthdays as we all know, this creates the ritual of a week long birthday event! Usually ending in a great big party come Friday/Saturday with all of the required junk foods, lighting of the waxy things on fire, yelling hoopla and general merriment.
Which means, this tribute to my partner in crime is not belated, merely a part of the week long celebration! Wahoo!
So, without further ado,
34 R man attributes I adore!
R man:
- loves lemon pie
- loves nuts, particularly almonds and cashews
- loves beer of good quality but defers in type depending on the climate
- has to have a sweet thing at the end of a meal
- biting into a ripe juicy peach = R man heaven
- loves ice cream of any variety
- loves coffee
- loves his iphone
- loves his mac
- loves keeping track of his airline perks
- loves his surround sound system
- loves creating music mixes for parties
- counts down the days to live concerts..right now: Lollapalooza
- loves dark comedies
- doesn't like hipster music.....he's an R&B/Rap boy nowadays
- loves playing the soccer
- loves checking the fantasy soccer
- loves reading about the soccer
- loves talking about the soccer with others who also love the soccer
- has a curly yummy smelling crazy head of hair
- dreams of one day owning a pair of bright red pants
- along with his love for bright colors, loves crazy bright shoes as well!
- loves airports
- has a laugh that sounds to me like chocolate mixed with espresso
- loves grilling and having barbecues but hates smelling like one
- always smells and looks good and has his own unique style
- loves shopping for organizers
- has a secret love for deals - but only on things of good quality
- Olives. Obsessed with olives.
- Finds satisfaction in eating big giant bowls of salad
- Finds satisfaction in eating all of the food out of the fridge
- Never measures spices or herbs when he cooks. Each dish is a surprise!
- Loves working on bikes/biking/buying bike parts
- loves me
Happy Birthday Hun Bun!
4.01.2012
Tortilla skillet
Dining for 1. Wow.
Is this ever a difficult feat for me now!
I tend to eat a few days a week solo, just because I get hungry earlier than the R man due to my crazy early schedule, but now, going a few days here on my own, where I thought my solo meals would be a celebration of cheese and wine and bread...to those taking bets on how long my cheese diet would last, yes....I'm a bit burnt out on cheese and bread and in need of some quality Rodolfo'esque salads.
I managed to cook up a big pot of black bean chili, stuffed with corn and onion, garlic, even celery, tomato...so that feeds a bit of the need for certain!
Tonight I made myself up a little taste from my past.
When I was in college living with 4 other girls, I lived on a strange and unusual dish that doesn't exist in a cookbook...because it's insane...but I have to admit, it feeds my soul....
Sarah's skillet for 1:
- butter - melted in a small 1 person sized cast iron skillet/and or small saute pan
- saute 1/2 onion - perhaps a bit of garlic for class
- 1 portion diced meat - a hot dog, a slice of salami, whatever! Cooked til slightly browned
- add any veggie still salvageable from the fridge...zucchini, peppers, celery, mushroom what have you, chopped up fine - but not too much veggie, just enough for 1!
- perhaps some diced tomato (1 singular tomato, or even just half)
- perhaps some black beans, any kind of bean really! (when eating for one, I keep a bunch in the fridge...so only a few spoonfuls eaten per meal, not the whole can/bag at once)
- now, the crazy part, chop up some cheese, turn the heat off, and stir it in, let it sit for a minute so that the cheese chunks become nice and gooey, but are still "chunks" (so it doesn't disappear into the mess of beans and veggies, but you get a little texture/flavor of cheese in every bite)
- toast some tortillas, chop them up and throw them in as well
Give it a stir, you're done!
For condiments, salt and pepper to taste, a spoonful of mayonnaise perhaps or a splash of sriracha can be nice.
For the true Sarah experience, eat straight out of the skillet at the kitchen table (don't forget your hot pad underneath) with wooden spoon, no napkin, drink a beer straight out of the can, watching some high quality junk t.v....now that's a meal of class and distinction!
Mmm...mmm...mmm...the memories of this meal....many a roommate with a look of concern..or was it...admiration at my genius techniques?!? No waste! Limited amounts of dishes used! What happiness!
Good god it's heaven! (I can feel R man cringing as he reads this...he says this is called eating like a pig...so true...so satisfying...oink, oink!)
I've just shared a little piece of my soul.
Don't knock it til you've tried it, it doesn't get more comforting or individually sized than this when eating on my own!!!
and dare I say....HEALTHY!
Wish I had a picture to share, sadly, I just ate the evidence! Oops!
Is this ever a difficult feat for me now!
I tend to eat a few days a week solo, just because I get hungry earlier than the R man due to my crazy early schedule, but now, going a few days here on my own, where I thought my solo meals would be a celebration of cheese and wine and bread...to those taking bets on how long my cheese diet would last, yes....I'm a bit burnt out on cheese and bread and in need of some quality Rodolfo'esque salads.
I managed to cook up a big pot of black bean chili, stuffed with corn and onion, garlic, even celery, tomato...so that feeds a bit of the need for certain!
Tonight I made myself up a little taste from my past.
When I was in college living with 4 other girls, I lived on a strange and unusual dish that doesn't exist in a cookbook...because it's insane...but I have to admit, it feeds my soul....
Sarah's skillet for 1:
- butter - melted in a small 1 person sized cast iron skillet/and or small saute pan
- saute 1/2 onion - perhaps a bit of garlic for class
- 1 portion diced meat - a hot dog, a slice of salami, whatever! Cooked til slightly browned
- add any veggie still salvageable from the fridge...zucchini, peppers, celery, mushroom what have you, chopped up fine - but not too much veggie, just enough for 1!
- perhaps some diced tomato (1 singular tomato, or even just half)
- perhaps some black beans, any kind of bean really! (when eating for one, I keep a bunch in the fridge...so only a few spoonfuls eaten per meal, not the whole can/bag at once)
- now, the crazy part, chop up some cheese, turn the heat off, and stir it in, let it sit for a minute so that the cheese chunks become nice and gooey, but are still "chunks" (so it doesn't disappear into the mess of beans and veggies, but you get a little texture/flavor of cheese in every bite)
- toast some tortillas, chop them up and throw them in as well
Give it a stir, you're done!
For condiments, salt and pepper to taste, a spoonful of mayonnaise perhaps or a splash of sriracha can be nice.
For the true Sarah experience, eat straight out of the skillet at the kitchen table (don't forget your hot pad underneath) with wooden spoon, no napkin, drink a beer straight out of the can, watching some high quality junk t.v....now that's a meal of class and distinction!
Mmm...mmm...mmm...the memories of this meal....many a roommate with a look of concern..or was it...admiration at my genius techniques?!? No waste! Limited amounts of dishes used! What happiness!
Good god it's heaven! (I can feel R man cringing as he reads this...he says this is called eating like a pig...so true...so satisfying...oink, oink!)
I've just shared a little piece of my soul.
Don't knock it til you've tried it, it doesn't get more comforting or individually sized than this when eating on my own!!!
and dare I say....HEALTHY!
Wish I had a picture to share, sadly, I just ate the evidence! Oops!
3.21.2012
Homemade vs. high fructose corn syrup
Yep...I've totally jumped on that band wagon...
I have no problem with oil, butter and sugar...
I have a problem with something pretending to be something that it's not, especially when it hurts me.
High Fructose Corn Syrup is my worstest of worst enemies.
Rodolfo got me hooked on a little habit I've now picked up with food shopping..reading the fine print!
Screw the "nutrition facts," if you want to know if it's going to make you fat, read the ingredients list!
I went thru 7 different brands of tomato paste and tomato sauce...in almost all of them, high fructose corn syrup had been added as an ingredient. The cheapest, most local and boringest looking can on the entire shelf was the only one with simply one ingredient.
I no longer shop by brand and/or off brand, I shop by the ingredients list. The shorter the list, the more likely I am to buy it....and I try to get as close to the source as possible....meaning, the one that's closest to being what it's actually meant to be!
I spent 20 minutes one day staring and reading the fronts and backs of lemon juice bottles, soon discovering that most were sugared and watered down variations of lemon juice...so! I walked back to the produce aisle and behold! LEMONS! Cheaper and fresher than the fake stuff!
We've gotten so obsessed with this little project, for kicks, we read the ingredients list on sauces, pastes and dips...most often we've discovered we already have everything it takes to make the sauce at home, without the special added ingredients of HFCS, MSG, salt, artificial colors and flavors (whatever those are) with the added potential bonus that whatever we are making might end up being that much fresher tasting, local and even a little more, dare I say...healthy!
I have no problem with oil, butter and sugar...
I have a problem with something pretending to be something that it's not, especially when it hurts me.
High Fructose Corn Syrup is my worstest of worst enemies.
Rodolfo got me hooked on a little habit I've now picked up with food shopping..reading the fine print!
Screw the "nutrition facts," if you want to know if it's going to make you fat, read the ingredients list!
I went thru 7 different brands of tomato paste and tomato sauce...in almost all of them, high fructose corn syrup had been added as an ingredient. The cheapest, most local and boringest looking can on the entire shelf was the only one with simply one ingredient.
I no longer shop by brand and/or off brand, I shop by the ingredients list. The shorter the list, the more likely I am to buy it....and I try to get as close to the source as possible....meaning, the one that's closest to being what it's actually meant to be!
I spent 20 minutes one day staring and reading the fronts and backs of lemon juice bottles, soon discovering that most were sugared and watered down variations of lemon juice...so! I walked back to the produce aisle and behold! LEMONS! Cheaper and fresher than the fake stuff!
We've gotten so obsessed with this little project, for kicks, we read the ingredients list on sauces, pastes and dips...most often we've discovered we already have everything it takes to make the sauce at home, without the special added ingredients of HFCS, MSG, salt, artificial colors and flavors (whatever those are) with the added potential bonus that whatever we are making might end up being that much fresher tasting, local and even a little more, dare I say...healthy!
2.21.2012
uterus discrimination
Is it me, or do a lot of people hate my uterus?!?
Yes...I'm taking it personally. My little uterus is under attack and I don't know what to do!
The more I think about it, the angrier I get at the "choices" and "control" I have over my body and my rights of what I can and cannot do...particularly when it comes to natural healthy events in life, like having children.
It comes down to money. It comes down to white, male politicians who will never have to give birth. Cuz let's face it, that shit is hard enough as it is, much less throwing a bunch of paper work, legal requirements and financial woes at the situation.
I'm 29. I'm married. I'm healthy and happy. I'm at that exact stage of life where it's finally a good idea to actually pop some kids out, but I can't afford the health care that would cover it. That kind of coverage is now listed as an 'add on' for an 'additional charge'.
I would have to pay an extra $400/month for something called "Maternity Rider". I would have to pay this $400 for a full 12 months before even considering the potential to start trying at having a family. At this point, if I were to have a child, I would be better off accepting support from the state and looking for "free public health" options for my baby and my potential pregnancy.
This makes me and my uterus furious! Having a child should not be only for those who can afford it to get good prenatal care!!!!! It should be for everyone! As should the education to NOT have children.
For those of us women with babies on the brain and also being the full time bread winners of the household, there is also the fact that in many work environments here in the states, "maternity leave" is a thing of the past. I once received a letter from a past employer notifying me that if I were to go on an unpaid maternity leave, it would not be guaranteed that I could return back to work. My job could be gone.
Whether or not my personal choice is to create life, I'm angry that things have come to this great lack of choice!!!! I'm angry at the lack of education/information there is for women, particularly at my age when creating life is a NATURAL PHENOMENON!!! Not just something a fairy godmother magically bippity boppity boo's into you!!! There is so much attention paid to teen pregnancies, or women who are considered to be too old and having babies 'at risk', taking hormones, models finding surrogate uterus' so they're bod's stay tight, etc.etc..and of course, dare I mention abortion and all the politics of unwanted pregnancies.....which leaves me feeling like "pregnant" is a dirty word.
BABY MAKING IS NORMAL!!!! Without it, none of us would exist! I don't feel that I'm the exception to the rule...I should be the NORMAL one and yet my uterus and I are outcasts...
I see plenty of ads out for new state of the art rings, pills, surgeries aimed at 20-30 something year olds apparently doing plenty of yoga and shopping - according to the ads - all of these procedures with plenty of painful sounding side effects that go along with them, and oh yeah....of course they are prescription only and you'll need to get them from your doctor. I don't think I've ever...EVER seen an ad for a condom. Not once! Unless you count the machines which dispense them in bathrooms. I'm sorry, but condoms are cheap. They're safe. They're easy to get and both participants are fully aware and equally responsible to make sure they're using them effectively. They've been around forever and you can buy them at Walgreens. Nothing state of the art or invasive about it.
It's time the uterus got a bit of respect. That's all I'm sayin'!
When did having a uterus get so freaking complicated?!?
Rant over. Is anyone else angry about this?!?!?
Yes...I'm taking it personally. My little uterus is under attack and I don't know what to do!
The more I think about it, the angrier I get at the "choices" and "control" I have over my body and my rights of what I can and cannot do...particularly when it comes to natural healthy events in life, like having children.
It comes down to money. It comes down to white, male politicians who will never have to give birth. Cuz let's face it, that shit is hard enough as it is, much less throwing a bunch of paper work, legal requirements and financial woes at the situation.
I'm 29. I'm married. I'm healthy and happy. I'm at that exact stage of life where it's finally a good idea to actually pop some kids out, but I can't afford the health care that would cover it. That kind of coverage is now listed as an 'add on' for an 'additional charge'.
I would have to pay an extra $400/month for something called "Maternity Rider". I would have to pay this $400 for a full 12 months before even considering the potential to start trying at having a family. At this point, if I were to have a child, I would be better off accepting support from the state and looking for "free public health" options for my baby and my potential pregnancy.
This makes me and my uterus furious! Having a child should not be only for those who can afford it to get good prenatal care!!!!! It should be for everyone! As should the education to NOT have children.
For those of us women with babies on the brain and also being the full time bread winners of the household, there is also the fact that in many work environments here in the states, "maternity leave" is a thing of the past. I once received a letter from a past employer notifying me that if I were to go on an unpaid maternity leave, it would not be guaranteed that I could return back to work. My job could be gone.
Whether or not my personal choice is to create life, I'm angry that things have come to this great lack of choice!!!! I'm angry at the lack of education/information there is for women, particularly at my age when creating life is a NATURAL PHENOMENON!!! Not just something a fairy godmother magically bippity boppity boo's into you!!! There is so much attention paid to teen pregnancies, or women who are considered to be too old and having babies 'at risk', taking hormones, models finding surrogate uterus' so they're bod's stay tight, etc.etc..and of course, dare I mention abortion and all the politics of unwanted pregnancies.....which leaves me feeling like "pregnant" is a dirty word.
BABY MAKING IS NORMAL!!!! Without it, none of us would exist! I don't feel that I'm the exception to the rule...I should be the NORMAL one and yet my uterus and I are outcasts...
I see plenty of ads out for new state of the art rings, pills, surgeries aimed at 20-30 something year olds apparently doing plenty of yoga and shopping - according to the ads - all of these procedures with plenty of painful sounding side effects that go along with them, and oh yeah....of course they are prescription only and you'll need to get them from your doctor. I don't think I've ever...EVER seen an ad for a condom. Not once! Unless you count the machines which dispense them in bathrooms. I'm sorry, but condoms are cheap. They're safe. They're easy to get and both participants are fully aware and equally responsible to make sure they're using them effectively. They've been around forever and you can buy them at Walgreens. Nothing state of the art or invasive about it.
It's time the uterus got a bit of respect. That's all I'm sayin'!
When did having a uterus get so freaking complicated?!?
Rant over. Is anyone else angry about this?!?!?
2.16.2012
making every minute count
I've gotten a bit lazy...and now I'm both realizing it mentally and physically!
I miss that feeling when we were living on the edge, knowing in my bones all the time that we were doing the right thing. It was our one chance to do whatever we were doing and if we had to starve for three days, or sleep in a ditch, or wake up at 3am to catch a plane, or talk a stranger into giving us directions, by jove! We were going to DO IT! It was about survival and basic needs being filled in order to meet that greater goal of "Chance of a life time." They were words to live by...screw time, money and all the odds and ends that keep things from happening, we were going to make them happen!!!
Looking back....we did it! What confidence and charisma! Way to tackle something huge and succeed!
I miss that feeling.
Now....every minute is more like every other week or month...if I feel like it....setting goals and making them happen just seems like too much work.
There's something about life being so easy and accessible that makes me want to curl up in a ball on my couch and watch t.v. and eat crap.....or perhaps this is simply called the month of February in Wisconsin?!?
Well, whatever it is, I need to work on getting my edge back and working towards building up my dreams once again! Pushing ahead and making things happen! Cue chest beating and manly grunts of bravery!
I've been gaining a bit o' weight. The pants aren't fitting quite right...no bueno. I feel tired much of the time and working at a bakery isn't exactly a good influence on my dietary intake...to quote Rodolfo, "bread is easy!" It doesn't take much time or effort to make a sandwich or a delicious warm panini in my case (I looooooove grilled cheese, what can I say? It's my down fall!)
I started working at the bakery with a secret dream, to start up my own bakery in Santiago some day. I had hopes to work hard and diligently for these wonderful people in hopes of learning the ins and outs of bakery/barista work....I've definitely been putting in hours of labor serving/creating/baking/cleaning, but have I been growing in my overall knowledge? I don't know.
This post is more of a personal wake up call to myself. Spring is a comin' and with it, the awareness that time doesn't stand still. It's time to put on my game face and put forth the extra effort and assertiveness that it takes to make my dreams happen......these are long term goals now, not the day by day achievements of seeing the Eiffel Tower or the Pyramids....this kind of dream is day by day, but I can't lose that inner drive of making every moment count.
If you have any personal tricks up your sleeves to keep yourself motivated and in the game, please feel free to share!!
I miss that feeling when we were living on the edge, knowing in my bones all the time that we were doing the right thing. It was our one chance to do whatever we were doing and if we had to starve for three days, or sleep in a ditch, or wake up at 3am to catch a plane, or talk a stranger into giving us directions, by jove! We were going to DO IT! It was about survival and basic needs being filled in order to meet that greater goal of "Chance of a life time." They were words to live by...screw time, money and all the odds and ends that keep things from happening, we were going to make them happen!!!
Looking back....we did it! What confidence and charisma! Way to tackle something huge and succeed!
I miss that feeling.
Now....every minute is more like every other week or month...if I feel like it....setting goals and making them happen just seems like too much work.
There's something about life being so easy and accessible that makes me want to curl up in a ball on my couch and watch t.v. and eat crap.....or perhaps this is simply called the month of February in Wisconsin?!?
Well, whatever it is, I need to work on getting my edge back and working towards building up my dreams once again! Pushing ahead and making things happen! Cue chest beating and manly grunts of bravery!
I've been gaining a bit o' weight. The pants aren't fitting quite right...no bueno. I feel tired much of the time and working at a bakery isn't exactly a good influence on my dietary intake...to quote Rodolfo, "bread is easy!" It doesn't take much time or effort to make a sandwich or a delicious warm panini in my case (I looooooove grilled cheese, what can I say? It's my down fall!)
I started working at the bakery with a secret dream, to start up my own bakery in Santiago some day. I had hopes to work hard and diligently for these wonderful people in hopes of learning the ins and outs of bakery/barista work....I've definitely been putting in hours of labor serving/creating/baking/cleaning, but have I been growing in my overall knowledge? I don't know.
This post is more of a personal wake up call to myself. Spring is a comin' and with it, the awareness that time doesn't stand still. It's time to put on my game face and put forth the extra effort and assertiveness that it takes to make my dreams happen......these are long term goals now, not the day by day achievements of seeing the Eiffel Tower or the Pyramids....this kind of dream is day by day, but I can't lose that inner drive of making every moment count.
If you have any personal tricks up your sleeves to keep yourself motivated and in the game, please feel free to share!!
2.06.2012
Radio Lab
I don't know why or what caused this, but I have just about gotten thru every single episode of Radio Lab. I absolutely love this show!!!!!
This is a show which dissects some crazy idea...be it....artistic, historic but usually scientific and similar to This American Life, (which I've sadly already heard every single episode in existence) tells different stories about this certain thing. Back when I was aggressively persuing some form of hobby to be able to obsess over, I spontaneously realized I could download every single episode of this splendid show to my computer for FREE! (and have been obsessively listening every day since!)
There is nothing more soothing to me now when I have to go to bed ridiculously early to be ready for work the net day then a juicy episode of scientific intrigue while laying in bed with the lights off....if I doze off, I simply catch what I missed the next day, no problem!
Listening to educational radio programs is awesome for someone like me because I tend to always have my hands and mind moving around. It lets my mind focus and learn about something cool while also utilizing my physical motor skills and keeping my hands busy...cooking, baking, cleaning, organizing....
So...I'm learning new cool stuff and expanding my horizons, I'm getting things done around the house and I'm being physically active!
Plus! It's not t.v.! No guilt! Hurrah!
What am I going to do once there aren't any left? Bummer.
This is a show which dissects some crazy idea...be it....artistic, historic but usually scientific and similar to This American Life, (which I've sadly already heard every single episode in existence) tells different stories about this certain thing. Back when I was aggressively persuing some form of hobby to be able to obsess over, I spontaneously realized I could download every single episode of this splendid show to my computer for FREE! (and have been obsessively listening every day since!)
There is nothing more soothing to me now when I have to go to bed ridiculously early to be ready for work the net day then a juicy episode of scientific intrigue while laying in bed with the lights off....if I doze off, I simply catch what I missed the next day, no problem!
Listening to educational radio programs is awesome for someone like me because I tend to always have my hands and mind moving around. It lets my mind focus and learn about something cool while also utilizing my physical motor skills and keeping my hands busy...cooking, baking, cleaning, organizing....
So...I'm learning new cool stuff and expanding my horizons, I'm getting things done around the house and I'm being physically active!
Plus! It's not t.v.! No guilt! Hurrah!
What am I going to do once there aren't any left? Bummer.
2.03.2012
granola eaters
We pride ourselves on our normalcy...not to say we're normal...but we aren't the other options either....
Hipster
Hippy
Yuppy
Uppity...at least I hope anyways...
Foodies...well...does open mindedness make us foodies? Does love for eating food count to that?
(I actually think foodies are pretty awesome...I just don't know enough about food myself yet to get to truly use that label....something to work towards...becoming a 'foodie'...I'm nuts.)
Any other names or categories I should throw out?
I mean....I guess we BELIEVE we wouldn't fit into any particular category.
(as I finish up a fresh batch of homemade granola that's cooling on the stove top as I type this!)
We were having dinner with another couple we just met here in Madison this past fall and my new awesome lady friend said "you guys are the only organic type people we know" (which she meant with love) A lot of people that have recently met me are surprised I'm not vegetarian...I really can't figure that one out! Do I look vegetarian!?! What does a vegetarian look like exactly?!?
It's funny...these categories we have don't exist other places....most other places in Europe, Asia, South America....our lifestyle choices would be absolutely normal! Eating local and fresh food. Using public transportation/not owning a car. Trying to fit exercise in regularly. Entertaining guests at home....here, I feel....this is not so normal.
GRANOLA EATERS!
Yep....to start off with...I do make my own granola! It's a million times cheaper and healthier then buying it in a box...I'm a little obsessed about this. Does it taste nummy? Probably not, because it's loaded with flax seed, sunflower seeds, wheat germ and oatmeal with a tiny fraction of the sugar!
ORGANIC HIPPIES!
As for organic....the only things we purchase strictly organically are the things that just plain old taste better that we can afford! Carrots, sometimes yogurt, sometimes milk...our main objective is trying to buy locally, not organically, because produce, meats, eggs, dairy tend to taste better and be less expensive when they're made close by. This to me is critical anywhere!!! Farmers Market produce that's local is always Bigger, Fresher and Tastier then something you buy at a store that comes from the other side of the planet....that being said, I have some tasty Chilean blueberries I've been obsessed with in my fridge right now!!! In winter, beggars can't be choosers!
CAGE FREE
R man and I have a disagreement on eggs at the moment...he's switching to a strong following towards cage free, I'm personally pretty happy with some locally raised brown eggs...it's a thing...just depends on who is grocery shopping!
We try to buy local salami and sausage and occassionally add in a treat of chicken or turkey or pork once in a while...non free range....granted, I'm fully aware how absolutely delicious free range meat is to eat, it's just not in our price range.
FIXIES
We don't bike on fixies...we have shifts and breaks...but we use our bikes as transportation not recreation. The idea of biking without a destination in mind seems a bit weird to me now!
PBR
I'll drink whatever, neither of us are particular, but after just these last few months being in beerlandia, we're both getting a bit burnt out on the brew and are leaning a bit more on the wine and the strong stuff to keep our tummies happy through winter.
LEGGINGS
I like pants that fit. Not tights with a jean design spray painted on them. Not pants that fall off of me and flare out with pleats to create that extra lovely double butt effect. Somewhere inbetween. Normal people pants! Harder to find nowadays then you'd think!
Am I a yuppy? Don't have the funds for that title.
A hipster? Ditto.
An 'organic person'?!? See answers above.
A hippy? I am a card carrying customer of Banana Republic and the Gap. Plus....I eat meat.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying a steady, healthy lifestyle based on a bit of exercise, good food and the company of good friends and family...why the need to label?
I am looking forward to a time when daily routines and decision making on food choices in this country have changed so much that we ARE the normal....some day!
Hipster
Hippy
Yuppy
Uppity...at least I hope anyways...
Foodies...well...does open mindedness make us foodies? Does love for eating food count to that?
(I actually think foodies are pretty awesome...I just don't know enough about food myself yet to get to truly use that label....something to work towards...becoming a 'foodie'...I'm nuts.)
Any other names or categories I should throw out?
I mean....I guess we BELIEVE we wouldn't fit into any particular category.
(as I finish up a fresh batch of homemade granola that's cooling on the stove top as I type this!)
We were having dinner with another couple we just met here in Madison this past fall and my new awesome lady friend said "you guys are the only organic type people we know" (which she meant with love) A lot of people that have recently met me are surprised I'm not vegetarian...I really can't figure that one out! Do I look vegetarian!?! What does a vegetarian look like exactly?!?
It's funny...these categories we have don't exist other places....most other places in Europe, Asia, South America....our lifestyle choices would be absolutely normal! Eating local and fresh food. Using public transportation/not owning a car. Trying to fit exercise in regularly. Entertaining guests at home....here, I feel....this is not so normal.
GRANOLA EATERS!
Yep....to start off with...I do make my own granola! It's a million times cheaper and healthier then buying it in a box...I'm a little obsessed about this. Does it taste nummy? Probably not, because it's loaded with flax seed, sunflower seeds, wheat germ and oatmeal with a tiny fraction of the sugar!
ORGANIC HIPPIES!
As for organic....the only things we purchase strictly organically are the things that just plain old taste better that we can afford! Carrots, sometimes yogurt, sometimes milk...our main objective is trying to buy locally, not organically, because produce, meats, eggs, dairy tend to taste better and be less expensive when they're made close by. This to me is critical anywhere!!! Farmers Market produce that's local is always Bigger, Fresher and Tastier then something you buy at a store that comes from the other side of the planet....that being said, I have some tasty Chilean blueberries I've been obsessed with in my fridge right now!!! In winter, beggars can't be choosers!
CAGE FREE
R man and I have a disagreement on eggs at the moment...he's switching to a strong following towards cage free, I'm personally pretty happy with some locally raised brown eggs...it's a thing...just depends on who is grocery shopping!
We try to buy local salami and sausage and occassionally add in a treat of chicken or turkey or pork once in a while...non free range....granted, I'm fully aware how absolutely delicious free range meat is to eat, it's just not in our price range.
FIXIES
We don't bike on fixies...we have shifts and breaks...but we use our bikes as transportation not recreation. The idea of biking without a destination in mind seems a bit weird to me now!
PBR
I'll drink whatever, neither of us are particular, but after just these last few months being in beerlandia, we're both getting a bit burnt out on the brew and are leaning a bit more on the wine and the strong stuff to keep our tummies happy through winter.
LEGGINGS
I like pants that fit. Not tights with a jean design spray painted on them. Not pants that fall off of me and flare out with pleats to create that extra lovely double butt effect. Somewhere inbetween. Normal people pants! Harder to find nowadays then you'd think!
Am I a yuppy? Don't have the funds for that title.
A hipster? Ditto.
An 'organic person'?!? See answers above.
A hippy? I am a card carrying customer of Banana Republic and the Gap. Plus....I eat meat.
There's nothing wrong with enjoying a steady, healthy lifestyle based on a bit of exercise, good food and the company of good friends and family...why the need to label?
I am looking forward to a time when daily routines and decision making on food choices in this country have changed so much that we ARE the normal....some day!
2.02.2012
all grown'd up
You know you're a grown up and not just growing up when you......
(and "you" refers to...well.."me"!)
Yep.
I'm old.
Thanks winter for making these things so blatantly obvious to me!
Here's to hoping spring hurries itself up and comes soon to warm up my decaying spirit!!!!
(and "you" refers to...well.."me"!)
- think your parents are cool....like...you hang out and stuff
- put plastic up on your apartment windows to save energy
- wear a bike helmet, because you can't afford not to
- enjoy comfy cotton underwear.....long johns.....big thick socks.....flannel anything....
- notice that first little wrinkle in the crease beside your
eye...you point it out to your husband and he says..."Oh! WOW!!!!
Oooh!"
- start to try to collect funds for rainy days that's prepared for a hurricane
- stop really caring what other people think of your....well...anything
- pluck that first grey hair....
- better yet....pluck that first, second, third and hundredth hair that's where it shouldn't be!
- talk to people younger than you, they open their mouths and you
smile in compassion and keep your mouth shut....they won't get it til
they're your age
- start to dream of dental insurance and the thought of it is more exciting then concert tickets
- can poke your own flab and make it dance
- would rather stay in with a good book and a tea then consider the possibility of a beer at a bar in the cold at night
- forget how old you are
- bend to pick something up and something inside of you creaks like an old house
Yep.
I'm old.
Thanks winter for making these things so blatantly obvious to me!
Here's to hoping spring hurries itself up and comes soon to warm up my decaying spirit!!!!
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