Perhaps you've heard of Latin time?... Yes, they have clocks here too, and they definitely use them for work and professional meetings, but for non work related activities, time becomes another (quite vague) concept entirely.
When R man and I first moved in together in the States six years ago, time was an adjustment for both of us, particularly the meaning of dinner time! But also parties, meeting friends, any social event that is given a pre scheduled time of arrival.....it was definitely difficult for both of us, both growing up in completely different cultures of what "on time" meant to us and trying to find a compromise.
Dinner Time:
"You're late! The pasta is overcooked! The cake is burnt! I had everything set and you never showed up! That's the LAST time I ever make you dinner again!!!"
"But mooshi mooshi.....(that was my nickname back then..heehee) You said 6:30pm! It's 7pm! I'm here! What's the problem?!?"
That was the classic fight/misunderstanding. Definitely our biggest first conflict as a couple....besides the budget....
Dinner length:
Minnesotans can eat dinner in 30 minutes! 6-6:30pm...t.v., bed, done.
Chileans? Try 8-11pm! 2-3 hours to eat dinner! One Chilean dinner takes the same time as a week of dinners in Minnesota! It's a very casual laid back hang out rather than a chow down...I personally like chowdowns sometimes.....they're just totally different styles!
*On weekdays in Chile, sometimes dinner is skipped completely for a more informal once (tea time) earlier in the evening...this depends on the family, but it's not a hearty meal....that's the closest Chile gets to a meat and potatoes midwestern supper....4pm toast with tea!
Latin party time:
To say a party starts at 9pm here could mean to show up around 10-11pm, as late as mignight...or even later! We showed up for a birthday party at 2am last month!
I'm the kind of person who ends up arriving 5 minutes early to a party, because I don't want to be late! I'll sit in my car or walk up and down the street rather then leave my house later then expected. It's the rigid Scandinavian in me....we don't like to be a nuisance to other people, but also don't want our good names tainted by showing up at a party late! Hellith shall freezeth over!
Living in the States, we had Latin friends from all parts of the world and it was interesting to notice who would arrive when at a party and how that correlated to which country they came from! You think I'm crazy, but it's true!
Who is the latest? Puerto Ricans by a land slide! When more than one Puerto Rican shows up at 1am for a party that started at 9pm...at more then one party? That's impressive!
Chilean time:
But now, we are living in Chile! So, let's talk about Chile!
Where I expected Rodolfo to change his schedule to US/Midwestern standards in the States....now that we are here, it's a continual adjustment for me to remember to play by Chilean rules. Take it easy, play it cool, chill out....AHHH!!!! I have to turn my mental clock of expectations back 2-3 hours every day, or I freak out!
I've completely abandoned my planner....it has no purpose here! No one here plans social events ahead of time. Which means, you can't plan ANYTHING! No one does it! If someone has a party or a barbecue, you generally won't hear about it until the day of/day before! No one knows what they are doing until they are in process of doing it! For birthdays, it's occasionally a week in advance...but that's it! No more then that!
For me, this experience is like nails on chalkboard! I used to live by my planner! I would have died without it! Dates with friends scheduled sometimes months in advance. It was the only way I could see people!
I once invited people to a birthday party in Madison 2 months in advance, thinking it polite so that people could save the date. Some Chileans showed up at my house a month early confused to a dark house with a locked door!!! (I'll admit now, that was a bit early)
Chile:
"Hey, want to come to a barbecue in a couple hours?"
Me:
"How's the 2nd Tuesday of next month looking for you for coffee?" "ooh....bad? what about the month after that?"
After another of my recent recurring time freak outs, Rodolfo told me the story of a birthday party he organized for himself the morning of his birthday his first few months in the States...he couldn't understand why only a few Chileans came and no one else...but he had to suck it up, he was no longer on Chilean time.
That story almost broke my heart, poor lonely - pre Sarah - Rodolfo all alone on his birthday. I just want to go back in time and bake him a big ol' birthday cake....boo....
I have to admit that this new slower perspective on time has helped me, as frustrating as that is to admit. When I find myself waiting for...?!?I'm not sure what?!?...I sometimes forget I'm in Chile and freak out, but then there are other great moments where I'm eating a delicious meal or talking with some of Rodolfo's friends or family who are all sitting around laid back and relaxed, enjoying each others' company over a beverage/barbecue/just standing around for the heck of it and I have to admit, in those moments? I get it!
1 comment:
This TOTALLY hits home! I still don't really get it. I am a 5 minutes early kind of person too! K is a show up whenever I feel like it aka after the soccer game, a snack, a shower and god knows what else kind of person. It.Drives.Me.NUTS! It is probably still our number one argument (except budgeting).
How do you cope? I need tips!
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