public scrutiny

Anyone who writes publicly considers their audience and also what people might think of them when they post something in public view.  I am fully aware that what I write is public for the world to see.  I don't expect everyone to agree with me....granted....I know there's not a whole lot of public interest in what I have to say.  It's not like I'm Elizabeth Gilbert or anything.

For a while, I thought about writing a separate blog under an anonymous name just to get more writing and thoughts out of my mind and into the world, because I do enjoy writing and sharing what I write, and being anonymous could give a bit more freedom to really say what I mean and not offend others.  That it would be good for me to give myself that freedom.

I've been told I'm a good writer from many different angles...that I should write more and that I'm funny and have an interesting view on life and food and travel...not just by my mother or my lover or even friends...and that feels really good to hear!  Those positive voices give me a greater push to write more, think more, share more and believe that what I have to say is sometimes (but not always) clever, funny, witty and worth reading.  In that same way, I never considered that a bad review could push me in the opposite direction...shut me up and fizzle me out....but that is exactly how I'm feeling right now....silenced.

Just last night, for the first time (believe it or not) I was publicly slammed for my statement made in a private video made public about Gringos talking about their experiences in Chile...., it was something I was proud to take part in to help promote Chile and all the eccentricities I love about my "other" country...a place I love so much I honestly feel part Chilena....I guess I feel since I'm around the culture so much, I'm a bit at liberty to make fun of it a little....actually, Chileans have such a dark sense of humor, I'm often told by Chilean friends and family that I need to ease up a bit and not be so "politically correct" in my comments and jokes....what's the big deal?

 Well, I got good and bashed...just by 2 individuals, but 2 was enough to give me a hard time sleeping/thinking/being....it was really weird!

The things I said about bike paths and undies in the video weren't meant to embarress or hurt, they were said with love, and would be very similar to things I would say about myself or even Americans if I were asked about my own culture....as I often do in this very blog......pretty regularly....I say funny things...sometimes slightly inappropriate...I don't wear white gloves or beat about the bush, that's just my personality.

I was called "dumb" and specifically "UNLIKE" 'd as the 'girl in the orange shirt' particularly for my comments with a request that I be cut out of the video if it's to be shown in public.  They even called me a liar.

I've never felt put to the test/analyzed/evaluated/found faulty by an anonymous reader/reviewer/watcher until last night and it hurt.  I never considered the possibility that someone would find my thoughts anything less than funny/silly/ridiculous...cuz, that's how I roll...that I frustrated someone by what I said in a random comment meant to cause a smile....enough for them to want to silence me.

So....I cry out to the haters of the world...
why you gotta be like that?!?
To quote my super bad ass awesome boss....
Sometimes, haters are just gonna hate.

I believe it's much more difficult to put yourself and your thoughts out there than it is to bash someone else for what they think or say....anyone can give out put downs, it's much more difficult to go ahead and create!  Share and be yourself!  (Very American ideals, btw, which make me proud and a little patriotic) I applaud any and all who choose the more difficult path or creativity and sharing and finding the humor in life, even when it's lost by others.

I WILL continue to speak my mind, about myself and my views on the world, knowing full well that sometimes people won't always agree and I'll be misunderstood, sometimes jerks are jerks and nice people can have bad days and can be jerks too, and that's ok.

and yes....this is a therapeutic pep talk blog....to myself....totally selfish....in public view.  Enjoy!  and feel free to think whatever you like!  you can even hate it....write a comment that what I'm saying is dumb...it's ok!  I've been there now, I can take it!