Defeatist attitude

I leave work now and think....
Does everyone feel as shitty as I do or is it just me?

The thing about this city is, based on facial expressions alone, it's not just me. 
So then, should I just be pissed off all the time but just try not to have a problem with it?

Or have a problem with it, and express my rage at random passers by like everyone else does. 

Shove someone on the subway. Yell at a taxi. 

So many rage options!

Mainly though, I'm now just really, truly, always, tired. The kind of tired that doesn't get better with sleep. The subways and attitudes and work problems with lack of trying or caring to try are back breaking.  

You can tell a local from a tourist by the sad dejected look in their eyes....well....that and the nice shoes. 

I guess you can tell by now what my attitude is about my new job....and then I think...eh!  It's almost Friday!!!!

I think the title of this book I found on the $1 rak at Strand books  says it all....


Next stage - job stage

Well kids,
Travel time is over.
I'm back in Brooklyn and I just interviewed and accepted a job at a Credit Union in Manhattan!

It's a Monday-Friday gig, so regular hours will leave weekends open for adventuring fun times with the hubby.  It also means I'll have a steady income to enjoy those adventures a little more thoroughly.  I'm really hoping this could be a good fit for me!  Thank you for traveling with me!


Taking a breather

I am in all meanings of the word, taking a breather and letting it all in...(eating so much homey food)
Letting it all hang out...(wearing sweat pants all moments of the day possible)
Smelling the flowers...(walking by flower stores and sticking my head in bouquets)

I am so HAPPY to be home!
This is my first time coming home from a big trip and having a home to come back to, and that feeling in itself has made me a great big pile of positive crap!  I'm an ooze of smiley euphoria.  Never before have I gone from a long term travel and not had the stress and freak out of coming back to a pile of emotional and physical shit to deal with and a mess of a life to put back together.  I don't have to move!  I don't have to plan a new life in a new place.  I can even take my time in finding a job as if it isn't a life emergency but just a thing I want to do..like going out for dinner, or going for a walk!  Casual!
WHAT?!?!? No emergency mode?  Incredible!

I am literally at a point where I'm smiling just sitting at my kitchen table alone just thoroughly enjoying the moment.  Probably the perfect mental place to be for a job hunt!  Fingers crossed I find that perfect gig with weekends off and reasonable wages doing something I enjoy.  What will this be at this point?  I'm open to anything that fills the above categories.  We'll see!   But like I said, there's no pressure.

AHHH.  Sigh.  Deep Breath.  Lettin' it all in, all hang out, all at once.


Brought to you by:

I'm on my way home. 
After a hugely successful journey I'm prepared for a hugely successful reunion back to my home and hubby and all that kind of happiness. 

I was just realizing in much the style of a PBS special, my journey wouldn't have been as smooth, easy and comfortable without a little help from my friends/family/huge global corporations and financial institutions. 

In no particular order here are some shout outs I usually don't mention:

T-Mobile - international 3G?  What!?!  It's true. Game changer. Love them. 
Google Maps - my continual comfort and companion. Without that little blue dot I would have been....lost!
My hubby. 
My Charles Schwab Debit Card - no fee ATM's. I'm not kidding. They return the fees the ATMs charge at the end of the month worldwide, supplying all kinds of calm and comfort in my mind and saving over $100 this trip alone. 
I had a few charitable family members donate to the cause in the form of monetary Xmas presents and considering that every dollar goes a really long way when you can live in reasonable comfort on $15/day, that's saying something. 


Flying home

Oh yes indeed. I'm in Japan for an hour and took a toilet pic. You are most welcome.


A latte

It's funny with jobs.
Most often the exact thing you do for work is probably not what you want to run home to do at night or on vacation.

I have been off coffee for more than a month now, but today after a steaming hot bowl of delicious Khao Soi curry soup on a steaming hot day with an adorable little cafe complete with beautiful wooden lounge chairs just begging to be sat in across the street, I purchased a steaming hot latte to complete the experience. 

This coffee shop has the right idea. Behind the counter there's a living room where his 8 year old can yell out to him whenever while watching her favorite show.  Plus. The place is just so cute!

Now for the actual experience of sitting having a coffee....

He brings out the gorgeus drink with a cute round glass of ice water accompanied by sugars and sweeteners and little spoon. It's all just cuter than cute. 

I sip.
I write.
I stare out at passing mopeds and trucks. There's a little barber shop across the street. A women working there just held her empty plate up and waved across the street. A family member or restaurany owner must be coming to fetch it.
Inside the coffee shop I hear him pulling and cutting tape. Maybe he's working on making signs? Mailing a package?

My big bowl of chicken curry is settling in my tummy and my lips are still on fire from the extra Chile sauce I added.

Sure enough an older women with a bright blue apron and thick rimmed glasses has come to fetch the plate. Right before crossing back she focuses her gaze on me briefly and then moves on.

It's not what you think though. Its because I am wearing bright orange pajama shorts and a tank top. I look ridiculous on any standard. I was able to wash my own clothes this morning in a real machine where items don't magically disappear and I dumped everything in, bag and all.  Then I got to close line them myself. I love doing this. Whacking and thwacking out the wrinkles and smelling the fresh clean scent. 

With every additional sip I taste delicious flavors. Nutty. Chocolate. Earth. Caramel. Not sweet but smooth and poignant and makes me stop and think after every tasting. My this is good!  My eyes pick up the waves of white leaf decoration amongst the chocolate caramel shades of espresso and feel a little sad to realize it's now half empty. How did this happen?  Who drank my perfect little latte of exact perfect temp, amount and flavor?  Where'd it go?

A few pedestrians with grocery bags.
A young couple just came in from their large black truck. Real locals doing real errands enjoying a real much needed break in their day.

The little girl has come from the back to say hello in her raspy high pitched voice
..SAWADEEKAW!!! And they are all laughing and talking and catching up while the tourist girl outside types away on her phone. Ah yes...the familiarity of this moment of the regulars chitting the chat makes my heart skip to be near it again, but this time I only smile to myself. 

Another sip. I let out a sigh and think about getting out my book. 
Mmmmmm.  So this is what this is like on the other side of the counter. 

There's nothing like:

Watching my sunglasses fall in a slow motion tragecticory into the pit toilet hole in the ground, at a bus station rest stop, filled with someone else's excrement. Followed by my own slow motion verbal...."shiiiiiiiiii"!

Digging thru my bag of clothes for some thing not atrotious and finally realizing that the dirty bag of clothes underneath the bag of supposed clean clothes smell better!

Realizing I'd forgotten to shave for a week and then realizing shortly after that that's quite all right. 

Getting put in the $7 AC room but paying for the $3 fan only room. Shazam!

Staying in a hostel again purely because it's next to a Thrift shop, a grocery store, a 7-11 and a coffee shop. 

Going ahead and getting into a tuk tuk at 1pm midday sun from the bus station with scorching heat and feeling pretty ok about shoveling out a whopping $3 to the nice quiet boy who 1. Knew where my hostel was, 2. Let me sit shot gun with AC blasting into my face 3. Seemed like a decent fella I didn't mind giving money to 4. Smiled and waved goodbye. 5. Didn't make me actually negotiate....just immediately lowered the price from $6 to $3 because he knew I was about to walk the whole flipping way if he didn't. 

Having so much to look forward to!!!

Laundry day tomorrow. 
Kitchen class the next. 

So many friends and stories and foods and places and yeah. But it's not over yet!  But also, very much needing to go home soon recharged and ready to rumble in my big ol' Brooklyn. 

This feeling of missing someone is an enormous pile of emotion I can hardly contain or understand.  A good morning and good night text every day is functional but does not do justice to the giant hole in my heart he usually fills.  Just truly proving to myself that R man is my home and happiness.