Just thinking about the spits going round and round as the succulent juices are falling and dripping from one little bok bok to another!
It's toooo much god damn it!
Especially when every time I go to purchase said beautiful luscious bird with crispy golden brown skin and moist delicious insides, they are SOLD OUT!
I swear to god! EVERY SINGLE TIME!
this is not my first chicken run!
I'm talking like 6 times!
I'm not even counting the time in Puerto Rico when my friend Maria and I stopped by 10 different slow cooking natural charcoal rotisserie chicken vans on the side of a highway on the way to an afternoon on an island...but in that case, we did find one with chickens ready! HWA HA HA!!!! I'll tell you though, it was concerning, one after the other, "not ready" "not ready" "not ready", at least it was nice to be in a place where the people have a sacred respect and understanding of the happiness a slow roasted chicken on spit can bring to ones life! I mean, look at that smile on Maria's face! That's called triumphant!
But today....it's like the chicken gods are out to get me!
What? Have I not done my part for birds everywhere by hosting my living room to a turtle dove who sprays her caca all over the wall and her food all over the floor? Yes, yes, she looks so cute, but when you least expect it, while curled up cozy sitting on the sofa watching a quality romantic comedy...yep, that's the moment when a certain odor wafts into the nostrils....yep....even birds do it....bird fart, and for a little thing, that cloud of putridness can reak chaos for hours!
So! I'd say that whatever gods of birds are around these days owe me one nice juicy chicken!
I walk in at a reasonable hour! 6pm! Dinner time! You'd THINK THERE'D BE SOME BIRDS TO BUY!
So, while purchasing my 1 singular disapointing bratwurst instead from the lovely meat man at Jenifer Street Market, I feebly whisper what's screaming inside my cranium...
me:"Um...sir? What time do you usually sell out of chickens?"
He looks over at the empty heat oven display window...below the spits of awesomeness.
butcher guy: Oh...we're out? Would you look at that! All sold out! That was fast!
me: "Uhh....yeah. You did. What time do you normally sell out?"
butcher guy: "HEY GUYS! What time did we sell out?!?"
guys....: no response, they obviously feel that this question is below their concern...my guy is also losing interest quickly, they don't understand my deep and unquenchable chickenless suffering.
me: Well...what time do you put them out?
the dudes son/butcher guy (I'm catching on the neurons aren't firing so fast...but he answers after a moment of silence!): 2:30! Every day! You want a chicken? Come at 2:30!
me while wandering down the cereal aisle: 2:30! Got it! Next time! I'm on it!
I'm GETTING A CHICKEN!!!!!!!
Whose gonna be standing at the butcher window come 2:29 and 30 seconds?!?
OH HELL'S YEAH!
You see this? That's what I'm talkin' about! So, tonight, that's what I'll be dreaming of....