things to remember about Turkey

• Ataturk is a big deal!   His picture is everwhere!  On buses, in the streets, in restaurants.
• Butt washers are on toilets!  You turn a knob next to the toilet and a small pressurized stream of water comes out directly for that certain region that needs washing.  I think this is genius and should be used universally!  Genius!  Don't knock it til you've tried it!
• Feta cheese comes in all shapes and sizes, but is generally a white color.  Stringy, grainy, rich, plain, creamy, crumbly, aged, fresh, all delicious!
• Turkish coffee is finely ground beans with hot water poured over them in a little cup....I'm not such a fan as I always end up with a mouthful of grounds in the last swig when I should just leave the last drag of liquid alone!
• Turks love desserts!  Puddings, cookies, cake, bars, sweet nuts, etc, etc, all with nuts (pistachios and walnuts particularly), cream, caramels, fruits such as quince and pomegranite, currants, cinnamon, rice, saffron and oh so many other distinct aromatic spices that aren't extreme in flavor but delicate...like little shadows of ballerinas dancing on your tongue, all sweets are strong but small, carrying a big punch and perfect with a tea!
• "Salad" is tomato and cucumbers with olive oil and salt, but there is usually some variety of pickled vegetables included with your meal that you can nibble on.  There's also lettuce salads, but we tended to eat the latter more often.  We were delighted with arugula included with meals on the western coast as well!!!
• When you eat at a restaurant, you order everything first, and they bring the food out in courses, beginning with your olive oil marinated vegetables (cooked earlier in the day, or pickled, but always served cold!), than the meat course (all accompanied with unending amounts of fresh baked bread) and ending with a tea and a sweet thing. 
• Old statues, buildings domes and pillars are strewn about every which way, around every corner in every city.  Old and new are intermingled everywhere and old places are continually being reinvented into new...no matter where you stand, there is history all around you, especially beneath!
• Sour cherry juice, jam, soda....it's a thing!
• Fresh pomegranite juice...you pick the fruit, he squeezes it and puts it in a little cup for about $1.  Sour....fresh...sweet....pungent....delicious!
• 1 lyra = .60 cents
• tea = cai - "chai"..and is served black in a little cup with a spoon and 2 sugar cubes.  It's strong, warm, and drunk all day long!  Particularly after meals.  When helping yourself it's important to dilute the tea in your cup with hot water...always available together...with the tea pot sitting on top of the boiling water pot!  about 1/3 cai to 2/3 hot water!
• Beer  = Efes (tastes like Miller Lite) and costs 7-8 Lyra in a restaurant - $4-5, around 3-4 Lyra in a grocery store.  Wine is $8-10/glass, but local and delicious in many regions!
• Tomatoes are bright red, fresh and delicious.  We never met a single tomato we didn't like
• Freshly made creamy white butter!  WOW!  
• Leather jackets are very popular.  Along with some white dyed trendy jeans and an ironed collared shirt and nice leather shoes.  People dress, look and smell nice!
• There is a men's barber shop on every street and every time we pass one, it's occupied with a metal clothes hanger outside the door full of multi colored towels drying.  Men keep there hair short.  What we didn't see were beauty salons!  Where do the women go?
• Wet wipes!  After every meal, even sometimes at tourist attractions, you receive an individual wet wipe in a small packet with advertisements of the restaurant on it with your bill.  It's kind of nice and refreshing, but not exactly environmentally friendly.
• condiments on the table = smokey dried red pepper flakes, oregano, mint, olive oil, salt and pepper, and sometimes a pomegranite syrup...not so sure how we were supposed to use it though.
• Tea shops are a man only hang out spot where alcohol is not permitted, but t.v.'s showing popular soccer games and are and old men gather on rickety pop up tables playing Rummikub, dominoes and backgammon.  Women do not hang out here, because if they do, men are not permitted to swear around them....now that would just ruin a soccer match, now wouldn't it!
• I found it extremely frustrating that a waiter would take R man's order, leave and return with two of whatever he ordered.  I didn't realize throughout most of the trip that it's extremely rude in their culture to speak to me in my husbands presence and they were just trying their best to make the most of the difficult situation without offending us.  Oops! R man was apparently supposed to order on my behalf!  Jerk!  =)  Our friend explained that these rules change if the size of your party is a group of 3 or more with more women attending.
• We found it interesting when buying bus tickets online that you have to enter your gender.  Women traveling alone must be sat next to other women only.  (For a Turkish Airlines flight, I was sat between two very large built Turkish men.  They were well dressed gentlemen on business, but seemed a bit uncomfortable with the seat placements being very careful not to speak, accidentally touch or make eye contact for the entire flight with me...than again, that's common protocol in the States as well!  So who knows!)
• I don't know if this is because I'm young, white, female, a tourist or odd looking, but if I dared to turn around at any moment in any public place, and looked into a mans face, that man was looking right back at me with a wink and a smile to boot.  Of course, R man never noticed these things, cuz they're quick to turn away to his glimpse, but I did!  I'm not sure how this would be or feel to women traveling alone, and how fast a wink would actually lead to  unwanted attention or conversation, but it was enough to catch me slightly off guard at random moments, always with a sense I was 'being watched'.  Don't get me wrong!  Everyone we met in hotels, on the street, in restaurants or waiting for the bus was EXTREMELY KIND AND FRIENDLY!  We received so many kindnessness!  I'm just sayin'....interesting culture! 
• I can't wait to go back!  The mix of people, the history, the mix of religiouns, the brightly colored houses, the incredible flavor and richness of the food!  The warmth all around you, even when it's cold.   AMAZING!

Pics of Turkey!

Here are a few shots from the trip!
Ephesus, Cappadocia and Istanbul are the main go to's we had the pleasure to see!


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Istanbul, important projects and impossible pie crusts

First off!  We bought tickets for Istanbul!  Hoorah!!

So!  Two weeks of pure backpacking.  We've made a deal to not obsess/plan/purchase too much ahead of time to avoid getting stuck and keep our options open on arrival.  Yes....it's always a fear of potentially getting screwed by not planning ahead, but we both miss the feeling of freedom we used to feel with absolutely nothing weighing us down.  No shoulds or woulds, just the potential of the moment!!!   So, to that, we read and read and read and stare at maps and look at photos to our hearts contents, but besides the plane tickets and perhaps the first few nights, we leave the trip up to fate with not even a lonely planet in hand upon arrival!

It's something to look forward to!  Something to keep my internal furnace running as the skies grow darker longer and something to inspire my cooking!

Second off!  I've gotten the baking bug once again!
Every day is slightly different.  I was planning to attack Julia Childs cookbook...but reading thru has made me realize...if I do this, I'm going to become very very fat!  So instead, I started pilates and have been cruising allrecipes.com and my pantry for inspiration!  My last day off I delved into a delicious fennel squash soup, a spot on hummus and made my first ever homemade crackers!  and Lastly, my first ever...embaressingly enough....pie crust!

Leading to my last experiment/announcement in my blog title of I's!
The impossible pie crust...
Pie crust is baking 101.  It's the very first thing a professional baker needs to do right.
You don't know this yet, but I ...this very week....have decided to give myself that extra little push in the baking world, not to only work my tookus off in the field, but to grow and learn at home!  I need to learn this stuff and pronto!  I have all of these incredible bakers all around me willing to answer questions, try my experiments, and give great advice from their years in the field!  Now is the time!  If I want to truly grow in my education of how/what/why and make really gooooood stuff! True learning will happen in my kitchen..yes...in those hours in the evening when I'm exhausted and tired and all I want to do is cuddle up on the sofa and watch a movie....after baking/cleaning/wiping/flouring/washing/beathing/scooping all day, if I want to grow, I need to do it all night as well!

Soooo.....
Pie crust!
3 parts flour
2 parts butter
1 part water
a pinch of salt...

rubbed all together until a ball and then thrown into the freeezer with multiple layers of plastic wrap.

I have this accomplished.  Now, all I need to do is roll it flat lay it out and make a pie!

Up to now, I've cheated making pat in the pan, vegetable oil based pie crusts believing it didn't matter...but people...it does!  Really good baked goods taste good because there's A SHIT LOAD OF BUTTER!!!!  I hate to admit, but it's the truth.

My butter purchasing this coming winter is about to sky rocket!

Let me know if you'd be a willing volunteer to adopt any of my creations as I'm sure R man and I will be at our limit soon enough!

dorkster

Biking home from the bakery, I was passed by a hipster. 

Down to the curly mullet, tight skinny black jeans, uber skinny physique like he hadn't eaten in a week, fixie bike, black leather shoes and a tshirt with the arms ripped off, carrying a willy street coop paper grocery bag in his arms while biking, because of course his back pack was purse sized.  I mean....he was hipster verging on white trash, that said, I have to respect any dude who spends that much time on his appearance!  He filled the stereotype to a T!  Amazing! 

It got me thinking about style and culture and trends....

I'm not one who should really talk at all on this subject as I have NO style, but that in itself IS my style...which makes me wonder... where do we discover our "thang"?  The look that makes us feel like us?!?  That makes us cool/trendy/hip or just plain happy in our own skins walking down the street?

I grew up with dorky parents...and when I say this, I don't mean it as a diss.  They were and are proud of their Eddie Bauer-esque dorkdom, which is probably where I picked it up and once again proves that yes, we do eventually somewhat become like our parents!  They wore clothes for function/weather/comfort, not style.  Big brimmed hats in summer and sorel boots in winter.  Tube socks with shorts and ankle socks with sandals and enough sunscreen to make skin turn white.  Whatever worked, who cares how it looks!  That's how I was raised, and it's rubbed off permanently!

I still remember the embarrassment I felt at the fact that my parents drove an old school SAAB.  Years later when I told them this, they surprised me with the fact that they felt very sophisticated and special driving a Swedish car....yet proving how very Minnesotan we really are, and now looking back, if I could afford a safe, reliable boxy vehicle like a SAAB for my little family, dude, I'd jump at the chance!

When I was dating in college, to Rodolfo's great horror, I've never ever been attracted to the pretty good looking boys.  I think perhaps the R man was actually the first man I'd dated that had the ability to match his outfits.  The boy really does have a classy style with a very limited wardrobe and I don't know how he does it.  He's able to travel for two weeks out of a suitcase and everyday have that fresh classy suave look to him, plus he always smells good.  I really don't know how he does it!  I myself resort to exercise clothes for traveling...once again having comfort come first....which led to R man being horrified to be seen with me while we were traveling in some of the larger more trendy cities of Paris, London and Madrid, with comments like..."Oh Sarah, when will you learn."

So...when will I learn?  Right now, I think....NEVER!
Aren't people just supposed to get more stubborn as they get older?

I've come to accept before the fact, my children will probably observe me to be the most dorkster parent on the planet, and really, I'm pretty ok with that!  Thank GOD they'll have some Rodolfo style in their veins so they won't wear the all purple matching outfits down to puffy purple headband and pull on cotton purple shoes that I did in grade school.  From there  I moved onto overalls and over sized sweaters in high school and college held its own special obsession with black penny loafers which I would wear thru and replace one after another....to the point where a boyfriend complained about them saying he wouldn't kiss me until I threw them away and my parents paraded them to the trash can singing and dancing during a summer break....true story.

I now categorize my outfits by the hour of the day...
work clothes (jeans and t shirt)...after work clothes (my favorite patagonia cotton dress or a pair of sweat pants and a tank top)...evening going out clothes (some kind of cuterish dress someone with actual style has given me at some point)...and of course pajamas.  Done!  That's it!  Nothing more!


So what's worse really..who looked more ridiculous earlier this afternoon on the intersection of East Washington and Ingersoll?  The hipster or the dorkster?!?

a bone to pick with "American" fruit

I am about to sound extremely pretentious.

It's hard to find good fruit in the States and if you've never eaten fruit in another country/a locale close to where the produce was actually picked and vine/tree ripened...dude, you are missing out!

I grew up on iceburg lettuce as a staple.  Cheap.  Easy.  Done.  Rodolfo won't touch the stuff...he grew up on locally grown, happy, healthy, hippy, fancy schmancy greens without even knowing it and for less cost than a round cabbage-esque head of iceburg with 5 times the flavor....because he was in Chile.  Lucky, lucky man.  It's from him that I've gained my pretentiousness with foods.  He's ruined me!

Let's face it, the grocery fruits here are all from Chile as well, they are just picked under ripe and sent on an airplane/truck/boat to get here...I don't smell very good either coming from Chile!

Rodolfo refuses to eat peaches in the midwest.  He tries once a year and then gets disappointed when it doesn't taste of pure sugar..he's frustrated when he doesn't have to eat it over a sink...because it doesn't ooze down his arm with every bite.  It ruins his day.  Yes.  He's a peach snob!***  And a tomato snob, etc. etc...he can go without, but when he finds the good stuff, it makes him so so happy!  Like he's won the lottery!

Like I said, this is all very pretentious!However, I have backup!

She's called Julia Child!  And thanks to Candace for letting me borrow "My life in France" she's got my back!!!

page 25:  "In America, grapes bored me, but the Parisian grapes were exquisite, with a delicate, fugitive, sweet, ambrosial, and irresistible flavor"  (Happy 100th Julia, rest in peace dear heart)

What a description!!!  Delicate, fugitive!!!  Ambrosial....damn girl....you've got it!
A description I would never use for a grape purchased in the mid west!  She's right!  They're boring!

Now...granted, the farmers markets are getting better and better!  Thank god!  So now, at least half the year, we have access to local tomatoes,  zuc's, cuc's, herbs, melons, corn, eggplant, etc.. but when it comes to winter, our hearts get heavy and our palettes get depressed.

Perhaps this is just what we get for living in an area of the world that becomes inhabitable half the year, but isn't that the same for France and all those other lovely countries in Europe that turn out incredible produce and food experiences year in and year out?!?   What's our excuse?

My point?  If you haven't traveled out of the country at least once, do it!  Not necessarily just for the culture, the traditions, or how good it is to get outside of your comfy zone, do it for your PALETTE!!!!  To appreciate life to its fullest, it's important to try one grape..a single grape you could describe as "fugitive"  I mean...seriously!  

Your palette will thank you a hundred times over when you bite into a peach and it's the best peach of your life!!!  The next trip we take...it's not about the place (or it is, but that's secondary), it's about the FOOD!

 ***The one exception to this rule was when we went to California and we bought some peaches from a stand the morning after we arrived.  Let's just say he pulled a Julia in experience, but without the beautiful words...only noises..."mmm...oh!....mmmm...wooooow!!!!  Shlurp."  Now, he's definitely not willing to buy a peach in the mid west!  California should not count as part of the States in this scenario....it's some happy hippy utopia...why aren't we all there?

week day weekends

There are pros and cons to food service depending how you look at it.

The busiest part of my work week is the weekend....this can be a big bummer for spending time hanging out with friends and making night time plans, especially when I need to wake up at 6am on a Sunday morning.  Something I used to love about working at the credit union was getting a full two days off Saturday and Sunday to cavorts and saunter around with the R man...farmers market plus brunch on a Saturday morning, partying til the wee hours on a Saturday night, recuperate on a Sunday and be fresh and ready for Monday...

well...

that doesn't happen anymore.  But!  This does mean I get a full fabulous day off during the week!

Of course this leads to activities and fun of the individual variety as R man is usually off industrializing himself, but honestly, I kind of like to have a full day to myself....for errands!  A full stress free day to get stuff done!  The Minnesotan in me is beaming!

• bike rides as long or short as I'd like
• laundry day
• my credit union is actually open!
• two hours in the grocery store wandering about  *btw, who the heck are all of these other people shopping on a week day at 3pm?  Are there that many of us with a week day off?!?
• time to sort out paper work and organize the house
• cooking for the week
• mowing the lawn
• catching up on emails and facebook and blogs!

I really feel like everyone needs a day like this to get stuff done.  The weekend just isn't enough!  Well....it could be, but when do normal people get to go to the bank?  Or shop?  Or....cook?!?

Btw, here's some pics from my last week day off:

Some friends of ours recently moved and she happened to be my size and just last week the rules were changed at work where we can wear whatever we want...and I didn't really have any clothes that weren't for traveling or for a wedding!
I know!  What luck!!!

 

I also made a salad for lunch from the basil and cucumbers from our garden!  (the bread is from my bakery)  Our herb plants of Basil, Oregano, Mint and Sage are doing great!  We're getting about a cucumber or two every few days and the tomatoes are beginning to change to a lovely orange!  I managed to kill off most of my zucchini plants by adding espresso grounds to the dirt, thinking I was aiding in their growth...nope....not so much.

R man just returned from a Bachelor's weekend in Chicago for Lollapalooza.  Many a beer was drunk, a grunt was made, a concert was experienced and a video game played.  He was very happy to come home and eat one of his famous "mega salads". 

Just like how I very much enjoy my week day weekends....the man is very much allowed to go off and explore the world and enjoy his weekends!  The joys of marriage...interdependence and all that good stuff!  

Well, it's my day off today!  Time to start some laundry!

***30 minutes later***....upon further intensive thought on the unfairness of doing laundry on my day off verses R man partying for 3 days straight for his days off and the conversing of this fact between us....I will not be washing his dirty underwear today!  He'll do it later.  Time for pilates!

bad juju

I'm a pretty positive happy person...I think.
At least I try to be.

But recently, there's been a lot on my mind..
As positive and happy and bubbly as I can be with the sun shining and babies googoo'ing, sometimes the badness in others sinks into my bones....
Sometimes the bad guys win...
and you you know what? 
That sucks!

I've had a pretty tough last week and I'm handling it great really, but it's been a shocker to the system...

If you've been reading, you already know I'm questioning all kinds of things, the meaning of life, the meaning of my life, the center of all things, what to do, where to go, how to feel and see the world and be a good person...blah blah blah....well! 

Thanks to.....the higher powers that be I guess..... my new sentiment of personal positive karma and trying to find some deeper, healthier happiness in the world is being put to the test!

I feel the need that guidelines are in order to get my good juju back...to believe in the good in people and know that the world is not out to get me....some rules....for appropriate good juju etiquette...small..big...it all has done its part to make me feel wibbly wobbly.

• caterpillars who eat people's much loved tomato plants deserve the death penalty...but no, I can't find the heart to splatter your gigantic tomato plant fed body into the pavement and instead have delicately placed you in my neighbors compost 100 feet away from my tomato plant in the hopes that your obesity keeps you far, far away.....bad caterpillar!  Bad!

the evil culprit caught in action!

• if a store closes at 5pm....and you read on the front of the store the hours of business....leave at 5pm....ok....5:10pm at the latest.
•  In entering a bakery...selling bread....expect there to be some gluten involved!
• People who are hypocrites are the worst kind of scoundrels, and deserve bad karma for life.  I can handle people doing bad things, it's when they're doing bad things and lying about it that freaks me out.  If you are a hypocrite with me and I find you out....know that I am 50% Chilean...I will not forgive you for what harm you've done to me or mine...you are dead to me...adieu.
  
• If you borrow from someone, specifically in the form of money, pay them back  in an agreed upon time if you don't want to be a douche bag forever in my eyes.
• Don't ever, ever steal from me.  Ever.  The Hypocrite guideline comes into effect here as well.
• pick up after yourself if you've made a mess
• If you know you are doing something bad or mean that could deeply hurt someone else, stop doing it!

So there you go.
Don't eat my tomato plants.
Don't lie.
Don't steal.
Don't be a jack ass.
Short and sweet words to live by.

busy bees

R man and I have both become a bit workaholic.
We love the work.
When we aren't working, we are thinking, dreaming, talking, anticipating and planning to work.

It's kind of cool that we both dreamed of having jobs when we got back that challenged us, made us think and gave some feeling of personal pride and contentment in what we did.  We are there!

Now, it's making sure we get a chance to be and do all the non work things we'd grown to love not working 40 hours a week....really enjoying the time we have off when we have it together doing things we both love....(I say this as each of us are sitting at opposite sides of the house on our free day together typing away at our computers in silence!)

Taking bike rides
Going for walks
Cooking and grilling together
meeting up with friends for drinks and foods
having said friends over for the talking and the sharing of drinks and foods
attending local festivals and live music performances...Madison is known for there summer music festivals

On top of this, I try extra hard now to try and push myself out of the house after a long day at work to try and do normal people things and not just plop down and watch a movie with a beer in hand.

So this week, I'm making some goals!
I'm going to:

• Check out a book from the library and read it from cover to cover
• Photograph our awesome little garden for your enjoyment.  The little cucumbers and tomatoes are doing great!
• Catch up with an old friend or two
• cook some healthy nutritious meals and perhaps even put up a recipe or two with some photos here!
• Go visit the University Art Museum...it's free, it's new and I've never been!

So.  There it is.  Food.  Friends.  Good books.   Art. 
We'll see if I can do it!

a house becomes a home

With renewing our lease an extra two years, comes a sigh of relief!
We aren't moving!!!!!

There's a point every time I move where I'm scrubbing out the tub like a banchee, or I'm sorting thru books and paper work and thinking, geez....why didn't I just sort and clean and scrub all the this stuff while I was living here!  At least I could have enjoyed it!!!!!

So in honor of that testament, we/I are actually trying to live up to that higher standard and quality of living!  If we are going to live in this lovely spot in the world, why not make it the most comfortable, aesthetically pleasing and organized experience we can!

SO!  We improved!!!!!  Of course, OF COURSE I don't have any before pictures, which would have been awesome, but enjoy the positive happy clean vibe of our new and improved home anyways!

We took down the scary looking universal apartment blinds that offer no privacy, limited actual shade and are continually covered in a layer of dust and replaced them flowing, pretty, useful energy efficient curtains!  Plus, I finally washed the windows inside and out.  The result is uber pleasing to the eye in comparison to what was!

I stained our back patio...what was once a greyish/whitish dying/dead looking bunch of wood now has a bit of a glossy happy brownish shine that is not only weather resistant and good for the porch, but is fun to look at! I'm really happy with how it all turned out!

Before we left Madison to travel, we had bought and given away an awesome patio set with umbrella that we'd found at Shopko for a bargain deal of $70!  Well, low and behold, we stop by to purchase some curtains and what do you know!  Same exact patio set purchased many years ago on same exact clearance!  YAY!  Sold!

I sanded and refinished this boudoir/closet/boxy closet thing!  Isn't it perty?  R man also cut off what was a little top cabinet off the top of it, making it impossible to fit it into any room easily.  The thing also had a continual ewww de baby odor to it, which I think we can finally say we've finally kicked thanks to repeated bleachings/washings and plenty of air freshener. 

There's probably a lot more little items that I should mention, like the new kitchen trash can with the built in opener you push down with your foot, the new shoe rack, the awesome garden we're growing which required a new hose and special tomato holders, the IKEA kitchen table I bought in Minnesota with my parents, or even the new set of steak knives purchased just yesterday...tons of new stuff to celebrate staying put, but there's also been plenty of ditching of the old, ending with a final run to St. Vincent de Paul's yesterday with a final trunk load of good byes...I end now with our piece de resistence!!!!

We finished painting our bedroom!  A nice simple white for now, but hey!  It's all one color and it doesn't look like someone went thru the room with a machine gun anymore!  No more gaping holes and scary corners!  Rodolfo installed two little side tables on each side which I stained brown and we bought matching desk lamps, so we can read comfortably at night with a place for an alarm clock!

Ok, I did forget the major purchase of an outdoor charcoal grill, but I haven't yet put it together out of the box...the first bbq experienced, you'll be sure to see a pic of R man at his best!

So yeah, lots of little odds n' ends we'd been living without fine, but now that we have them completed and finished....sigh....it feels really awesome to enjoy and live in our little spot in the world!

theories so far....

So...
from the depths of insanity/dilusions of depression/realizations of boredom and weirdness come ....

well...

perhaps more of the same.
perhaps intrigue and insight.
perhaps really odd/interesting discussions with coworkers, which lead to odd and interesting voice mails to other coworkers and yet more odd and interesting discussions with friends and husbands and family members etc..

I have "the power of now" on order at the library, so I WILL be reading it soon!
But until then, doors to unexpected conclusions and thoughts are beginning to open about my dilenma.....non dilemna...funk....whatever this is!

 - perhaps life is actually just so easy and simple and good that that in itself is making me feel weird and unchallenged in life, like I should be improving and growing, but it's hard to grow when things are just plain great.
 - perhaps in things being so good, I feel unexpectedly unchallenged in my very long term goals in comparison to the excitement/rush/high I used to feel from planning life a day at a time and being settled feels like a bit of a rut once in a while.
 - perhaps I'm letting the weight of the world get me down...."2012", pollution, the environment, gasoline, cars, Africa, AIDs, poverty, corruption, politics, religion, hypocrisy, blah blah blah
 - perhaps I miss my friends and family, and I'm never quite ready to say goodbye to old friends and say hello to new
 - perhaps as my wise and profound coworkers are always pointing out things to me, none of this even matters, because life is going to go on no matter what I do or say or think, days will pass on, people will continue doing what they are doing, whether it's right or wrong, and that's how life is supposed to be, because that is how it is....buying furniture, worrying about trends, staying up to date on films and books and things and foods.....it's all very much"cute and horrifying" all at the same time and we can either enjoy the ride and world we live in or worry about it passing us by day by day...that's our choice....


So.  that's where I'm at today in my quest for change...acceptance that things are weird, that I'm confused, that the world is a big crazy place and I'm attempting to figure/not figure out my part in all of....as are we all....since we won't know til it's all over, and then....it's over and we still won't know!

So there you go!  I have no idea!  and today, that feels pretty god!  Just going with the flow....I'll keep you posted where this heads next!

state of mind

a few weeks ago as an incentive to get a $35 rebate from my insurance company, I took an online survey of my health...I had THOUGHT I was in perfect ship shape....the survey did not, apparently my diet and exercise regimen was way under par from what it should be, but the most "important" area of my life that needed "immediate and extreme" improvement according to this survey was my mental health.

I was to seek psychiatric and potentially prescription drug help immediately for my "depression".

MY WHAT?!?!?!?

I thought I was doing pretty good!  Still do actually.

But, of course, once an online survey has you second guessing yourself, everything else follows suit.
I jumped on to daily pilates videos and started pushing myself to drink and eat a little more healthfully....you know, like water and salad along with my beer and cheese sandwiches.
totally good stuff, right?!?  I think so!
Then there was the recent work related conversations with coworkers where I'm slowly realizing that I'm a bit of a push over....that I don't stand up for myself in the ways that I should
and then today....my bakery coworkers have some important news to share with me, apparently there's some book/way of thinking called "the power of now"which I'm immediately pretty skeptic of...guys...really....I don't want any part of your little cult...but then, the next coworker walks thru...
"Hey Bob (name changed of course), do you know this whole the power of now b.s.?"
"Oh yeah....something something something...related to some higher way of thinking and being ...blah blah blah..."
and then....Julie (name changed)..same deal..
and then....Greg (name changed as well)  of course!  By that author so and so...yeah...good stuff...
and ...yeah...so Greg continues on...."it's like when you're traveling and you just get into this certain place in your mind where you just are...all the banter inside your head floats away, it's inside you"...

I'm still not buying it, but....it's hooked me in....that memory of just being...that certainty that if I just stayed positive and confident in myself, things would work out, and they did!

To be honest....this is exactly something I've been thinking a lot about recently and haven't had words for...remembering back and longing for the certain mental state/feeling/experience of just living in a very simple way, and just sort of believing and knowing that things were going to work out.....and now that I'm back "in it" ...working/paying rent/scheduled into place for the next 2 years, that frame of thinking has sort of faded away to more of sense of...well...not depressed, just being lost...not really feeling like anything is right, doubting every decision, every purchase, feeling a sense of frailty and failure and not knowing why or what is causing it...but something isn't right.

So maybe yeah...just maybe today was the day that I need to wake up, maybe this book could help, maybe it's time to seek some help, admit I don't feel happy and find the confidence to reach out and find it!

It's time to burst this god damn bubble holding me in and figure out how to get out!  With a schedule and all the real life drama that comes with day to day living, I need to get back on track and do what's right for me and try to find that feeling of ...well....whatever it is where happiness is found.

Maybe I'll find it reading this freaky Western spiritualesque book...maybe something else, but I'm breaking out, and soon from whatever funk this is I'm in!!!  So rock!

a third, a third, a third

1/3 espresso
1/3 steamed milk
1/3 steamed milk foam

This is considered the "correct" way to make a Cappuccino.


But I'd just like to take a second and explore this concept from my previous experiences with milk and foam and espresso....

"correct" according to who?  and why?

Coffee snobbery is fun and all, as is the culture of foods and beverages in any and every culture and what each culture values as traditional and carries on to their next generation, which is beautiful!....example...

Gnocchi.....flour, potatoes, egg, salt.
It feeds a freaking load of people for very, very cheap.
It takes a really freaking long time to make.
It was a depression era food that remained popular in Buenos Aires because of the fact that it was very cheap to make for a great big family dinner, ergo, making it remains a staple in Argentinian culture passed on from generation to generation!  Cool!

Of course the art of coffee making is a beautiful thing...but where and with who?!?  
Making the assumption that their is only one correct way to make a certain beverage...for real?

A great example of this...a Starbucks Macchiato...yep....this is supposed to be a little splash of espresso with a baby dallop of milk foam....

photo found at www.starbucks.com

Personally...I'd drink that over a real macchiato any day!  Nom nom nom!  Talk about dessert!

No one needs a cappuccino to survive in this world....it is a decadence to extremes...which makes it a bit of a joke to me...spending extra money on milk foam....air that's been power blasted into a liquid to create this little fluffy stuff that will only exist for a few minutes before it's consumed...it's just kind of cute!  At this point, who cares how much foam there is to milk and espresso...really?  This being said, you can tell I'm a latte type girl, can't you?!?  Perhaps there's some magic in glugging down foam that I don't know about?  Good for the digestion or something?!? 

Let me give you a an idea of where I'm coming from...the exact adverse amigo to my friend the cappuccino?  Senor Nescafe.

A year ago, I wrote this blog about my love/hate relationship with nescafe in Santiago, Chile.



For most of the world, a coffee is this!  Powdered crystalized flakes stirred into hot/hottish/tepid water to create brownish black liquid known throughout the second and third, heck, even first worlds as the only kind of "coffee" some people will ever want/have to drink.

In most of the countries where beans are grown, the majority of people can't afford those beans and drink this instead.  I became pretty fond of it most of the time and get cravings for it once in a while now....although I had dreams of our American sized mugs of joe...mmm.....

So...all that being said, I have no freaking problem with Americans defining our own style of "cappucinno" being a big ass cup with some shots of espresso and filled to the brim with with high calcium levels of locally produced high quality milk and a ton of magic foam.  If we are going to do something, we might as well do it all out!  It's the American way!  Take something fun or interesting from another culture and make it bigger!

Sure....the rest of the world ...meaning...a few select cities with great wealth and 1,000's of years of traditions and cultures did/do/will do it a certain way....guess what!  We aren't them!  It aint gonna happen!  And I love that!

stump town coffee on our trip to Seattle, 2009

In Chile, the closest I got to an American style latte was a cortado.  A little measly bit o' espresso with a little teeny sip of milk....for the same price as our American giganto calcium fortified satisfying cardboard 20 ounce cup that we HAVE to carry around with us after purchasing, because there's no possible way we could finish it in one gulp full within the cafe.  Now THAT'S satisfaction!

So yeah.  American pride and what not...our style of coffee consumption, however impossible it really is to mimic in any other country in the world besides here, is a culture in itself, over indulgence to an extreme and I in my moment of self love admit that I absolutely love it!!!!
a third, a third, a third,....go $%^# yourself!
(meant in the nicest way possible of course)