The subject of R man and I being of different cultural backgrounds comes up in phases....meaning, for some reason, it gets brought up in conversation more often, or I start to think about our future, or a weird word comes up...who knows! But, one week every couple of months, I find it in the air all the time. We look different...we have different sounding names....different accents, we're from different countries....oh...yeah...right...got it...we're different.
Most of the time, it's really just... Me. R man. Us. Living. Boring....not that we're boring, but we're just two normal peeps kickin' it in Mad town drinking our coffees and doing our laundry...some days he's more gringo than I am wearing flannel and complaining about the weather (very Minnesotan), sometimes, I'm the one dancing around to Shakira and begging to eat beans and rice...again! (for the record, two very non Chilean things to do which I absolutely love...think more Central America)
Right now it's a bakery joke to call Rodolfo ...Alfredo, Ronaldo, Antonio....which I find quasi funny because a 90% Italian is cracking the jokes...plus, Rodolfo IS a funny odd sounding name to say. Once you get used to it, it rolls off th tongue though like poetry, even if you can't roll your R's (like me.)
For some reason, the first question people are really curious about when they hear of us being together is, "how did you meet?" This really does make sense! It's weird!
At a recent party, I made the odd first time statement of, "oh, you better believe I made him come up here to get me!" which I felt really weird about after....what the hell did that mean? But it made the person feel better, we laughed and the topic of the party changed. But I feel a bit on the offensive sometimes talking about it and I'm not sure why....it's not like it's the 60's where one of us could get beaten or killed....our skin tones aren't even that different. There really is no biggy. Whatever people are thinking, it's more on the lines of "damn, he's good lookin! Where did you find that hunk o love? I want me some of that!" then....you know...something mean....I think!
It wasn't our differences but our similarities that brought us together. We started having dinners with mutual friends, going on bike rides, arguing about how to chop an onion...neither of us really put much emphasis on our backgrounds....that's just how it was.
There's a lot of judgments and thoughts by not only us but our families and friends as well on where our future permanent home belongs....we are 100% committed to each other and to raising a family together...just where that should/could be is totally unknown. We watch what our friends of mixed backgrounds do, we talk and day dream about the different options and aspects, we talk about school districts and a future college educations, what's best for us, for them...blah blah blah.
What's different for many mixed couples in comparison to peeps from more similar areas is not only the cultural differences, but the fact that we have to fight a bit to be and stay together....like marriage, it's not just a quick trip down to the city hall, we had to document everything we did for years, paper work, photos, bank statements, electric statements, magazine subscriptions, lawyer fees, immigration fees, medical background checks...and even after 8 years together, it will never be over. My paper work for Chilean residency is still in process...there's always small reminders from the world that we aren't exactly normal...but who is?
So...I have no conclusion....I have no issue either...it's a funny thing this love. I think everyone no matter their background, culture, race, political or religious affiliations finds differences and similarities with their life partner...all of those little bits and pieces add to the fun and excitement of living. No one else will ever know what that life is like but us...and we continually create and reinvent what that relationship and experience is every morning we wake up. How cool is that!?!
3 comments:
I have been with my Chilean husband 17 years and we still get asked how we met. I usually respond with "an English/Spanish dictionary and a bottle of wine". You really have to listen and understand someone when they are speaking a different language. Makes you close. :-)
A dictionary and a bottle of wine?!? That's super cute. I think pisco came into our story early on!! 17 years!! I'd love to hear your story!!! That gives me hope for our future!!!!
My husband and I constantly get asked that question as well. And depending on who's doing the asking, it can be either sweet or aggressive (Spaniards get sooo confused when we tell them we met because I was working in D-Man's town as an English teacher - I look "too" Sudamericana according to Spaniards.)
Sometimes I feel that being an intercultural/international couple makes marriage that much tougher... but also that much more rewarding and interesting. ;) We've been together 5 years now, married for almost 2, and we're still learning cultural things about one another! And it's the similarities that keep us together... we want a similar lifestyle, we strive for a better future together, we've grown and experience so much together.
Being in an intercultural marriage will also have so many rewards for your future children if they're exposed to their parents' roots and colorful background. :)
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