I'd like to believe that this is one of those big moments in life where everything is about to change forever...and it is one of those moments...but so is every other moment I've lived so far!
I keep having these big dreamy emotional thoughts about my life and life in general...shoulds and shouldn'ts, what I'm supposed to be doing, what I should be doing better, what I do, own, think, watch....
I attribute all of this bullshit and unnecessary self analysis to turning 30!
It's crap. Total crappers. Or am I just pissed because I'm finally there and there's no going back.
Like this list of 30 for turning 30..half of me is totally marking off every detail and considering to purchase a new sofa, umbrella and bra....the other half is going..."Seriously? Really? I don't have time for this."
Shoulds. Woulds. Coulds.
A baby.
A house.
A job.
A relationship.
A workout routine.
A balanced diet.
A sleep pattern.
Like it's a race to check it all off and get it down before time runs out....my body clock is ticking loud enough as it is without adding more pressure and requirements to who I am.
The one thing I dearly miss from traveling....that feeling that life was not in my own hands....that I simply was, and amidst it all, I was a little spec, this little creature running around like everybody else and all the daily details of woulds and coulds and shoulds....totally out of my control to do anything about.
What was simply was and that was that.
I miss that feeling...so so much.
That being said, I'm a total control freak, and it literally takes putting me in the middle of nowhere to get that feeling....I don't think I'm meant to roam the desert the rest of my life, just so I stop worrying about expectations.
Oh 30. You're a piece work...yes you are!
4.25.2012
4.20.2012
a duck and a parrot fall in love
The subject of R man and I being of different cultural backgrounds comes up in phases....meaning, for some reason, it gets brought up in conversation more often, or I start to think about our future, or a weird word comes up...who knows! But, one week every couple of months, I find it in the air all the time. We look different...we have different sounding names....different accents, we're from different countries....oh...yeah...right...got it...we're different.
Most of the time, it's really just... Me. R man. Us. Living. Boring....not that we're boring, but we're just two normal peeps kickin' it in Mad town drinking our coffees and doing our laundry...some days he's more gringo than I am wearing flannel and complaining about the weather (very Minnesotan), sometimes, I'm the one dancing around to Shakira and begging to eat beans and rice...again! (for the record, two very non Chilean things to do which I absolutely love...think more Central America)
Right now it's a bakery joke to call Rodolfo ...Alfredo, Ronaldo, Antonio....which I find quasi funny because a 90% Italian is cracking the jokes...plus, Rodolfo IS a funny odd sounding name to say. Once you get used to it, it rolls off th tongue though like poetry, even if you can't roll your R's (like me.)
For some reason, the first question people are really curious about when they hear of us being together is, "how did you meet?" This really does make sense! It's weird!
At a recent party, I made the odd first time statement of, "oh, you better believe I made him come up here to get me!" which I felt really weird about after....what the hell did that mean? But it made the person feel better, we laughed and the topic of the party changed. But I feel a bit on the offensive sometimes talking about it and I'm not sure why....it's not like it's the 60's where one of us could get beaten or killed....our skin tones aren't even that different. There really is no biggy. Whatever people are thinking, it's more on the lines of "damn, he's good lookin! Where did you find that hunk o love? I want me some of that!" then....you know...something mean....I think!
It wasn't our differences but our similarities that brought us together. We started having dinners with mutual friends, going on bike rides, arguing about how to chop an onion...neither of us really put much emphasis on our backgrounds....that's just how it was.
There's a lot of judgments and thoughts by not only us but our families and friends as well on where our future permanent home belongs....we are 100% committed to each other and to raising a family together...just where that should/could be is totally unknown. We watch what our friends of mixed backgrounds do, we talk and day dream about the different options and aspects, we talk about school districts and a future college educations, what's best for us, for them...blah blah blah.
What's different for many mixed couples in comparison to peeps from more similar areas is not only the cultural differences, but the fact that we have to fight a bit to be and stay together....like marriage, it's not just a quick trip down to the city hall, we had to document everything we did for years, paper work, photos, bank statements, electric statements, magazine subscriptions, lawyer fees, immigration fees, medical background checks...and even after 8 years together, it will never be over. My paper work for Chilean residency is still in process...there's always small reminders from the world that we aren't exactly normal...but who is?
So...I have no conclusion....I have no issue either...it's a funny thing this love. I think everyone no matter their background, culture, race, political or religious affiliations finds differences and similarities with their life partner...all of those little bits and pieces add to the fun and excitement of living. No one else will ever know what that life is like but us...and we continually create and reinvent what that relationship and experience is every morning we wake up. How cool is that!?!
Most of the time, it's really just... Me. R man. Us. Living. Boring....not that we're boring, but we're just two normal peeps kickin' it in Mad town drinking our coffees and doing our laundry...some days he's more gringo than I am wearing flannel and complaining about the weather (very Minnesotan), sometimes, I'm the one dancing around to Shakira and begging to eat beans and rice...again! (for the record, two very non Chilean things to do which I absolutely love...think more Central America)
Right now it's a bakery joke to call Rodolfo ...Alfredo, Ronaldo, Antonio....which I find quasi funny because a 90% Italian is cracking the jokes...plus, Rodolfo IS a funny odd sounding name to say. Once you get used to it, it rolls off th tongue though like poetry, even if you can't roll your R's (like me.)
For some reason, the first question people are really curious about when they hear of us being together is, "how did you meet?" This really does make sense! It's weird!
At a recent party, I made the odd first time statement of, "oh, you better believe I made him come up here to get me!" which I felt really weird about after....what the hell did that mean? But it made the person feel better, we laughed and the topic of the party changed. But I feel a bit on the offensive sometimes talking about it and I'm not sure why....it's not like it's the 60's where one of us could get beaten or killed....our skin tones aren't even that different. There really is no biggy. Whatever people are thinking, it's more on the lines of "damn, he's good lookin! Where did you find that hunk o love? I want me some of that!" then....you know...something mean....I think!
It wasn't our differences but our similarities that brought us together. We started having dinners with mutual friends, going on bike rides, arguing about how to chop an onion...neither of us really put much emphasis on our backgrounds....that's just how it was.
There's a lot of judgments and thoughts by not only us but our families and friends as well on where our future permanent home belongs....we are 100% committed to each other and to raising a family together...just where that should/could be is totally unknown. We watch what our friends of mixed backgrounds do, we talk and day dream about the different options and aspects, we talk about school districts and a future college educations, what's best for us, for them...blah blah blah.
What's different for many mixed couples in comparison to peeps from more similar areas is not only the cultural differences, but the fact that we have to fight a bit to be and stay together....like marriage, it's not just a quick trip down to the city hall, we had to document everything we did for years, paper work, photos, bank statements, electric statements, magazine subscriptions, lawyer fees, immigration fees, medical background checks...and even after 8 years together, it will never be over. My paper work for Chilean residency is still in process...there's always small reminders from the world that we aren't exactly normal...but who is?
So...I have no conclusion....I have no issue either...it's a funny thing this love. I think everyone no matter their background, culture, race, political or religious affiliations finds differences and similarities with their life partner...all of those little bits and pieces add to the fun and excitement of living. No one else will ever know what that life is like but us...and we continually create and reinvent what that relationship and experience is every morning we wake up. How cool is that!?!
4.18.2012
Stability
We've decided to stay in Madison for a few years!
(A few, meaning 2, 2 years, 2 full years of knowing where and when we'll be!)
Due to this realization, we are starting to nest. Getting finnicky with furnishings and decorations and attempting to give our little home a bit of a much needed makeover.
We are also investing in a low quality, high maintenance vehicle. A death trap. A money pit. A bright white 1999 Oldsmobile to be exact, to be picked up from our car mechanic friend later this morning!
My little veggie seedlings are beginnning to sprout (especially after I picked up a spray bottle to water them with a light mist, instead of the giant deluge that was flooding them!) and there's a nice little spot along our back fence where R man has cleared out and envisioned a little garden. We even bought a garden rake people...full sized....I know!
We are in the market for a kitchen table, curtains, rugs, picture frames and a general sense of belonging....all purchases and things we'd been avoiding so that we'd feel comfortable leaving at any moment with no regrets....now, knowing our circumstances have changed, that's not such an issue...for a few years anyway.
Due to a continuous slight nudge/shove/push by the R man, I'm also in the market for a social hobby, where in I meet other people my age and hopefully make some friends....like some crazy form of awkward dating, but instead of bringing home a nice man to introduce to mom, I'm looking for a group of chicks to bitch to and drink with....if you ask me, this is heading the wrong direction, but whatever!
Stable. Organized. Set. Comfortable. Content.
All the things Farmer John or Auntie May take for granted....we want a piece of it...at least to try on and see how it feels, to know the option and enjoy it while we can.
(A few, meaning 2, 2 years, 2 full years of knowing where and when we'll be!)
Due to this realization, we are starting to nest. Getting finnicky with furnishings and decorations and attempting to give our little home a bit of a much needed makeover.
We are also investing in a low quality, high maintenance vehicle. A death trap. A money pit. A bright white 1999 Oldsmobile to be exact, to be picked up from our car mechanic friend later this morning!
My little veggie seedlings are beginnning to sprout (especially after I picked up a spray bottle to water them with a light mist, instead of the giant deluge that was flooding them!) and there's a nice little spot along our back fence where R man has cleared out and envisioned a little garden. We even bought a garden rake people...full sized....I know!
We are in the market for a kitchen table, curtains, rugs, picture frames and a general sense of belonging....all purchases and things we'd been avoiding so that we'd feel comfortable leaving at any moment with no regrets....now, knowing our circumstances have changed, that's not such an issue...for a few years anyway.
Due to a continuous slight nudge/shove/push by the R man, I'm also in the market for a social hobby, where in I meet other people my age and hopefully make some friends....like some crazy form of awkward dating, but instead of bringing home a nice man to introduce to mom, I'm looking for a group of chicks to bitch to and drink with....if you ask me, this is heading the wrong direction, but whatever!
Stable. Organized. Set. Comfortable. Content.
All the things Farmer John or Auntie May take for granted....we want a piece of it...at least to try on and see how it feels, to know the option and enjoy it while we can.
4.12.2012
34 flavors and then some!
The trouble with having a job is that it's difficult to pay tribute to those you love and adore in an appropriate and timely fashion....yes, I got to sing the birthday song in a whisper at 5am to a half conscious R man on my way out the door, but that's just not the same as getting to sing it at the top of my lungs with little fires and drama and the smell of cake and frosting amongst friends and family...working on birthday days sucks.
Rodolfo's birthday was yesterday...he's now a great big whopping 34! YAY!
Since work day birthdays aren't half as awesome as weekend birthdays as we all know, this creates the ritual of a week long birthday event! Usually ending in a great big party come Friday/Saturday with all of the required junk foods, lighting of the waxy things on fire, yelling hoopla and general merriment.
Which means, this tribute to my partner in crime is not belated, merely a part of the week long celebration! Wahoo!
So, without further ado,
34 R man attributes I adore!
R man:
Happy Birthday Hun Bun!
Rodolfo's birthday was yesterday...he's now a great big whopping 34! YAY!
Since work day birthdays aren't half as awesome as weekend birthdays as we all know, this creates the ritual of a week long birthday event! Usually ending in a great big party come Friday/Saturday with all of the required junk foods, lighting of the waxy things on fire, yelling hoopla and general merriment.
Which means, this tribute to my partner in crime is not belated, merely a part of the week long celebration! Wahoo!
So, without further ado,
34 R man attributes I adore!
R man:
- loves lemon pie
- loves nuts, particularly almonds and cashews
- loves beer of good quality but defers in type depending on the climate
- has to have a sweet thing at the end of a meal
- biting into a ripe juicy peach = R man heaven
- loves ice cream of any variety
- loves coffee
- loves his iphone
- loves his mac
- loves keeping track of his airline perks
- loves his surround sound system
- loves creating music mixes for parties
- counts down the days to live concerts..right now: Lollapalooza
- loves dark comedies
- doesn't like hipster music.....he's an R&B/Rap boy nowadays
- loves playing the soccer
- loves checking the fantasy soccer
- loves reading about the soccer
- loves talking about the soccer with others who also love the soccer
- has a curly yummy smelling crazy head of hair
- dreams of one day owning a pair of bright red pants
- along with his love for bright colors, loves crazy bright shoes as well!
- loves airports
- has a laugh that sounds to me like chocolate mixed with espresso
- loves grilling and having barbecues but hates smelling like one
- always smells and looks good and has his own unique style
- loves shopping for organizers
- has a secret love for deals - but only on things of good quality
- Olives. Obsessed with olives.
- Finds satisfaction in eating big giant bowls of salad
- Finds satisfaction in eating all of the food out of the fridge
- Never measures spices or herbs when he cooks. Each dish is a surprise!
- Loves working on bikes/biking/buying bike parts
- loves me
Happy Birthday Hun Bun!
4.01.2012
Tortilla skillet
Dining for 1. Wow.
Is this ever a difficult feat for me now!
I tend to eat a few days a week solo, just because I get hungry earlier than the R man due to my crazy early schedule, but now, going a few days here on my own, where I thought my solo meals would be a celebration of cheese and wine and bread...to those taking bets on how long my cheese diet would last, yes....I'm a bit burnt out on cheese and bread and in need of some quality Rodolfo'esque salads.
I managed to cook up a big pot of black bean chili, stuffed with corn and onion, garlic, even celery, tomato...so that feeds a bit of the need for certain!
Tonight I made myself up a little taste from my past.
When I was in college living with 4 other girls, I lived on a strange and unusual dish that doesn't exist in a cookbook...because it's insane...but I have to admit, it feeds my soul....
Sarah's skillet for 1:
- butter - melted in a small 1 person sized cast iron skillet/and or small saute pan
- saute 1/2 onion - perhaps a bit of garlic for class
- 1 portion diced meat - a hot dog, a slice of salami, whatever! Cooked til slightly browned
- add any veggie still salvageable from the fridge...zucchini, peppers, celery, mushroom what have you, chopped up fine - but not too much veggie, just enough for 1!
- perhaps some diced tomato (1 singular tomato, or even just half)
- perhaps some black beans, any kind of bean really! (when eating for one, I keep a bunch in the fridge...so only a few spoonfuls eaten per meal, not the whole can/bag at once)
- now, the crazy part, chop up some cheese, turn the heat off, and stir it in, let it sit for a minute so that the cheese chunks become nice and gooey, but are still "chunks" (so it doesn't disappear into the mess of beans and veggies, but you get a little texture/flavor of cheese in every bite)
- toast some tortillas, chop them up and throw them in as well
Give it a stir, you're done!
For condiments, salt and pepper to taste, a spoonful of mayonnaise perhaps or a splash of sriracha can be nice.
For the true Sarah experience, eat straight out of the skillet at the kitchen table (don't forget your hot pad underneath) with wooden spoon, no napkin, drink a beer straight out of the can, watching some high quality junk t.v....now that's a meal of class and distinction!
Mmm...mmm...mmm...the memories of this meal....many a roommate with a look of concern..or was it...admiration at my genius techniques?!? No waste! Limited amounts of dishes used! What happiness!
Good god it's heaven! (I can feel R man cringing as he reads this...he says this is called eating like a pig...so true...so satisfying...oink, oink!)
I've just shared a little piece of my soul.
Don't knock it til you've tried it, it doesn't get more comforting or individually sized than this when eating on my own!!!
and dare I say....HEALTHY!
Wish I had a picture to share, sadly, I just ate the evidence! Oops!
Is this ever a difficult feat for me now!
I tend to eat a few days a week solo, just because I get hungry earlier than the R man due to my crazy early schedule, but now, going a few days here on my own, where I thought my solo meals would be a celebration of cheese and wine and bread...to those taking bets on how long my cheese diet would last, yes....I'm a bit burnt out on cheese and bread and in need of some quality Rodolfo'esque salads.
I managed to cook up a big pot of black bean chili, stuffed with corn and onion, garlic, even celery, tomato...so that feeds a bit of the need for certain!
Tonight I made myself up a little taste from my past.
When I was in college living with 4 other girls, I lived on a strange and unusual dish that doesn't exist in a cookbook...because it's insane...but I have to admit, it feeds my soul....
Sarah's skillet for 1:
- butter - melted in a small 1 person sized cast iron skillet/and or small saute pan
- saute 1/2 onion - perhaps a bit of garlic for class
- 1 portion diced meat - a hot dog, a slice of salami, whatever! Cooked til slightly browned
- add any veggie still salvageable from the fridge...zucchini, peppers, celery, mushroom what have you, chopped up fine - but not too much veggie, just enough for 1!
- perhaps some diced tomato (1 singular tomato, or even just half)
- perhaps some black beans, any kind of bean really! (when eating for one, I keep a bunch in the fridge...so only a few spoonfuls eaten per meal, not the whole can/bag at once)
- now, the crazy part, chop up some cheese, turn the heat off, and stir it in, let it sit for a minute so that the cheese chunks become nice and gooey, but are still "chunks" (so it doesn't disappear into the mess of beans and veggies, but you get a little texture/flavor of cheese in every bite)
- toast some tortillas, chop them up and throw them in as well
Give it a stir, you're done!
For condiments, salt and pepper to taste, a spoonful of mayonnaise perhaps or a splash of sriracha can be nice.
For the true Sarah experience, eat straight out of the skillet at the kitchen table (don't forget your hot pad underneath) with wooden spoon, no napkin, drink a beer straight out of the can, watching some high quality junk t.v....now that's a meal of class and distinction!
Mmm...mmm...mmm...the memories of this meal....many a roommate with a look of concern..or was it...admiration at my genius techniques?!? No waste! Limited amounts of dishes used! What happiness!
Good god it's heaven! (I can feel R man cringing as he reads this...he says this is called eating like a pig...so true...so satisfying...oink, oink!)
I've just shared a little piece of my soul.
Don't knock it til you've tried it, it doesn't get more comforting or individually sized than this when eating on my own!!!
and dare I say....HEALTHY!
Wish I had a picture to share, sadly, I just ate the evidence! Oops!
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