Siddartha

A boyfriend in college lent it to me to read when I was 18 - I'm almost 40 - Something I've been thinking a lot about is how much Siddartha changed thru the years - going thru times of hunger - fortune - friendships - relationships - isolation -  good, bad, pretty and ugly all on a road towards self, because in the end that's all we have.  There's probably a lot more to the story I'm forgetting - all that deeper meaning ethical moral high ground - be a good person stuff stuff - Buddha life - karma, energies - I know I know I'm missing a lot... but that process of living - time going by and life changing so drastically - that's the bit I can't get out of my head.

Since starting this blog back in 2009 just coming into my own making big adult decisions like moving and traveling (11 years ago now) - I have changed so much and yet I haven't changed at all.  I'm so rich in memories and experiences.  So lucky to have known and loved so many people.  So many special friendships and time spent talking and learning and laughing - people who helped me become my current self and I felt so fortunate to know and spend time with.

The hippy young musician with the photographer engineer husband traveling the world became a New Yorker Corporate Executive Assistant with a dog and a country home and a cheese selling wife with a big loud raucuous New Yorker Jewish Brooklyn family. 

Somehow, over 11 years - I changed and yet...I'm still me!  I'll grant you - maybe my brother and parents are the the only others on this planet who have met the many cat lives of Sarah - one after another after another.  Is it good?  Is it bad?  Have I made the best decisions?  Have I possibly made huge mistakes but did the best I could at the time? Could I have done better?  Dude....who knows!  

I don't play music anymore.  Or read books.  Or run. 

But...I garden.  Listen to A LOT of podcasts.  I read and write for a living and organize amazing people's lives from my living room....I even get health insurance for it.

I don't sleep in tents on beaches in Thailand.  Or bike 20 miles for beer.  Or read a novel in one day.  

I walk Penny along the bay and watch her sniff other dogs butts, I cuddle on the sofa with my wife watching crappy 90's rom coms and I eat an INSANE amount of amazing cheese.

I'm not 'in shape' but I'm not all that pudgy.  I like my face and I like how I look in a dress.

I still drink a lot of beer - don't care about fancy coffee and love grocery shopping.

Am I closer today to knowing who I am - than I was 10 years ago?  20 years ago?  Am I actualized?!?  

HA!  HELL'S NO! 

I can say...this girl knows how she likes to eat her eggs, drink her coffee and spend a Sunday afternoon.  

On this gayest weekend of all weekends - I'm grateful to all those amazing people all shapes, sizes, genders and ages that have helped this queer come into her current freckly slightly wrinkly but very happy skin.  

xoxoxo,

Sarah (puppy mom, home owner, friend, lover, wife, straight haired, bisexual/lesbian) 

battle of the bugs

When we first moved out into the country side we were afraid of things like... mice, deer, groundhogs, bears.

Funny enough, none of these are scary to me any more.  

Bears aren't interested because we don't leave food or bird seed out..

The groundhogs are happily nested a city block away and I've called a truce to our warfare.

Even the skunk who nested under our tractor shed has disappeared this week!

Deer - are a problem - but I'm getting excited for bow and arrow hunting season, when our neighbor calls in his plumber to enjoy the festivities.

The 5 foot long Black rat snack of the constrictor family that resides under our screened in porch - also a friend to our battle controlling the mouse community.

The hummingbird sized cicada killer wasp I found buzzing in my upstairs office one day - when google searched comes up as the gentle giant!

No...our current pains in the asses day in and day out are ticks.

Long socks, big knee high boots, leather gloves, deet, Soresto dog collars, mowing mowing mowing, pushing back brush, burning debree, hacking down tall grass and now...pestmaster services spraying every 20 days with some nature friendly minty solvent  - the battle is strong and real.

Cara wakes up in the night asking to be tick checked.  We shower.  We wash clothes.  We look everywhere and brush and re re brush Penny, but there are simply no guarantees.

It's a slight comfort that this has now made the national news as an issue and who knows!  Maybe they'll speed up the process for a human vaccine (Lucky Penny already got shot up with protection late last year.)

Sheepshead Bay start to the Summer

This is something I wrote a month back, but it made me smile so I'm sharing with you all now....

Like some people celebrate white pants and boat rides  There are certain magical signs in Sheepshead Bay Brooklyn that the 2 weeks of leather jackets, apple blossoms are over and it is once again scorching hot - pee smells and cooking eggs on pavement  SUMMER!

 The annual putting in of the air conditioners happened today  

this is not just a task, it is an event.

Where's the screws?   They're in the cup where I keep the screws. No, I taped them on with the duct tape I used to fill the holes in from last year.

Call your dad to come over with the special tool.

Just let me do it.

Is Meeg outside watching to make sure it doeesn't fall on anyone? 

Why is it always so hot the day we do this?  When will we wise up and put them in 2 weeks prior to it being scorching hot outside?

Out a little more - no in, no more to the left!  Let me do it! You're not doing it right!

Why don't the screw holes line up?  Is it ok that only 2 of the 3 screws still work?

You're reusing the duct tape from last year?  Don't leave your old tape on my bookcase! 

Usually on the same day - there is the 

gathering of the beach supplies from the closets 

Umbrella's, chairs, coolers, bleach blankets.... 

there's multiples and variations of each, so of course, 

Cara pulls out all of her fluffy comfort supplies, 

I pull out all of my minimalist lightweight high tech supplies 

and we meet somewhere in the middle

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!